My extended family took a trip to Scotland this summer. While we were in Edinburgh, we stayed in apartments within walking distance of a grocery store. We passed the store on our way to and from different sites in the city, and we stopped there more than once for breakfast items and snacks. When we passed it, I would often see a young man, almost certainly homeless, seated just outside.
My sister and I stopped by the store one evening to pick up a couple of things. Before we entered it, she approached the young man. “Are you hungry?” she asked. “Can I get you anything?”
He said he didn’t need any food, but he did ask for a soft drink. She bought him one along with her groceries and gave it to him on her way out. I mentally resolved to do as she had done in the future.
When I talked with her about this later, my sister said that she likes to honor people’s preferences. She pointed out that many of us are able to make all sorts of choices throughout the day; when you’re poor, your options are severely limited. You may hate bananas, but if your only option is to eat the banana or go hungry, you’ll gag down what’s available. If, instead, we offer poor people choices, we recognize that they are human beings who have likes and dislikes.
Streamlining options is important to efficiently run a program that helps the poor, but I feel like some organizations don’t always do this with the humanity of the people they serve in mind. Some people in my office used to help at a soup kitchen on a monthly basis. On the night my coworkers were there, they would always offer tater tot hotdish (a very Minnesotan casserole), sides, beverages, and small chocolate chip cookies for dessert. The organization that ran the soup kitchen decided to stop offering dessert; this was done in the name of providing a healthier menu, but they kept the tater tot hotdish, not exactly a healthy dinner. To me, the move was patronizing, not recognizing guests’ ability to use willpower to take or leave a cookie as they saw fit (or to parent their children accordingly). I also felt like the change punished people who were careful with what money they had; they would no longer have the option to have a small treat when they went to the soup kitchen.
On the flip side, a person with a disability told me about a local grocery delivery program that went from allowing people to order anything they needed from a certain store to offering a menu of items chosen most often by its patrons. Unfortunately, most patrons chose items that were less healthy than what this person preferred — and needed. My friend had to discontinue using the service.
In addition to honoring people’s preferences, my sister also likes to offer them luxuries when she can. Recently she encountered a woman in need at a time when she had a small tube of toothpaste and a sample bottle of perfume in her purse. She gave the woman some money and offered her the toothpaste and perfume, both of which the woman gladly accepted.
Not everyone is comfortable just giving cash to someone who asks for it. I understand the concern. There are people who take the money given to them and use it on alcohol or drugs. When you give to charitable organizations or offer homeless people food or hygiene kits, you know you are providing help, and you don’t have to worry that people will use the money you’ve given them in ways that will harm themselves or anyone else. A friend of mine has sometimes purchased food for homeless people, including recently taking a man to Subway for a meal. The man still wanted money after he’d eaten, but the meal itself was a chance for my friend to honor this man as a real person who was hungry, giving him the opportunity to choose food for himself.
While I don’t remember when I last gave cash to a homeless person, I don’t condemn those who make that choice. I believe that, while there is a kind of love that looks out for the good of the other person — the love we give our children, for instance, or the love we show when we talk to a troubled friend about getting treatment for something they cannot handle themselves — there is also a love that says, “I’m going to treat you like a responsible adult.” People who give money are choosing that kind of love. It’s not wrong to decide to give to the poor through a charitable organization or by offering someone food. It’s your money, and you need to decide the best way to share it with others. But there’s something wonderful about taking the risk that the person to whom you give your money will use it unwisely, because you are showing that person trust and respect that they probably rarely see.
The important thing is that, however we choose to give, we treat the people we encounter like human beings. It’s tempting to rush by a homeless person without looking. I’ve done it many times. If I don’t make eye contact, we think, the person won’t bother me. Or, we may thrust money at the person as we hurry to our destination. We’ve assuaged our guilt and given a gift, but we’ve also communicated to the person that they are a nuisance.
Instead, take the trouble to interact with the next homeless person or panhandler you encounter. If you offer food and are in a position to give the person a choice, let them decide for themselves what they will have. If you give money, see what you can do to make the interaction personal. Perhaps, like my sister, you can offer a luxury as well as money. “I have a tube of lotion in my purse. Would you like it?” If you prefer to give directly through charitable organizations, see if you can direct homeless people to local services that can provide help. However you give, if you treat the poor people you encounter as people who are worthy of your attention, you’ll give them a rare but valuable gift.
