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Make a Difference

Make a Difference: Treat Poor People Like Human Beings

Be kind to poor people

My extended family took a trip to Scotland this summer. While we were in Edinburgh, we stayed in apartments within walking distance of a grocery store. We passed the store on our way to and from different sites in the city, and we stopped there more than once for breakfast items and snacks. When we passed it, I would often see a young man, almost certainly homeless, seated just outside.

My sister and I stopped by the store one evening to pick up a couple of things. Before we entered it, she approached the young man. “Are you hungry?” she asked. “Can I get you anything?”

He said he didn’t need any food, but he did ask for a soft drink. She bought him one along with her groceries and gave it to him on her way out. I mentally resolved to do as she had done in the future.

When I talked with her about this later, my sister said that she likes to honor people’s preferences. She pointed out that many of us are able to make all sorts of choices throughout the day; when you’re poor, your options are severely limited. You may hate bananas, but if your only option is to eat the banana or go hungry, you’ll gag down what’s available. If, instead, we offer poor people choices, we recognize that they are human beings who have likes and dislikes.

Streamlining options is important to efficiently run a program that helps the poor, but I feel like some organizations don’t always do this with the humanity of the people they serve in mind. Some people in my office used to help at a soup kitchen on a monthly basis. On the night my coworkers were there, they would always offer tater tot hotdish (a very Minnesotan casserole), sides, beverages, and small chocolate chip cookies for dessert. The organization that ran the soup kitchen decided to stop offering dessert; this was done in the name of providing a healthier menu, but they kept the tater tot hotdish, not exactly a healthy dinner. To me, the move was patronizing, not recognizing guests’ ability to use willpower to take or leave a cookie as they saw fit (or to parent their children accordingly). I also felt like the change punished people who were careful with what money they had; they would no longer have the option to have a small treat when they went to the soup kitchen.

On the flip side, a person with a disability told me about a local grocery delivery program that went from allowing people to order anything they needed from a certain store to offering a menu of items chosen most often by its patrons. Unfortunately, most patrons chose items that were less healthy than what this person preferred — and needed. My friend had to discontinue using the service.

In addition to honoring people’s preferences, my sister also likes to offer them luxuries when she can. Recently she encountered a woman in need at a time when she had a small tube of toothpaste and a sample bottle of perfume in her purse. She gave the woman some money and offered her the toothpaste and perfume, both of which the woman gladly accepted.

Not everyone is comfortable just giving cash to someone who asks for it. I understand the concern. There are people who take the money given to them and use it on alcohol or drugs. When you give to charitable organizations or offer homeless people food or hygiene kits, you know you are providing help, and you don’t have to worry that people will use the money you’ve given them in ways that will harm themselves or anyone else. A friend of mine has sometimes purchased food for homeless people, including recently taking a man to Subway for a meal. The man still wanted money after he’d eaten, but the meal itself was a chance for my friend to honor this man as a real person who was hungry, giving him the opportunity to choose food for himself.

While I don’t remember when I last gave cash to a homeless person, I don’t condemn those who make that choice. I believe that, while there is a kind of love that looks out for the good of the other person — the love we give our children, for instance, or the love we show when we talk to a troubled friend about getting treatment for something they cannot handle themselves — there is also a love that says, “I’m going to treat you like a responsible adult.” People who give money are choosing that kind of love. It’s not wrong to decide to give to the poor through a charitable organization or by offering someone food. It’s your money, and you need to decide the best way to share it with others. But there’s something wonderful about taking the risk that the person to whom you give your money will use it unwisely, because you are showing that person trust and respect that they probably rarely see.

The important thing is that, however we choose to give, we treat the people we encounter like human beings. It’s tempting to rush by a homeless person without looking. I’ve done it many times. If I don’t make eye contact, we think, the person won’t bother me. Or, we may thrust money at the person as we hurry to our destination. We’ve assuaged our guilt and given a gift, but we’ve also communicated to the person that they are a nuisance.

Instead, take the trouble to interact with the next homeless person or panhandler you encounter. If you offer food and are in a position to give the person a choice, let them decide for themselves what they will have. If you give money, see what you can do to make the interaction personal. Perhaps, like my sister, you can offer a luxury as well as money. “I have a tube of lotion in my purse. Would you like it?” If you prefer to give directly through charitable organizations, see if you can direct homeless people to local services that can provide help. However you give, if you treat the poor people you encounter as people who are worthy of your attention, you’ll give them a rare but valuable gift.

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Something Wonderful

Something Wonderful: Thomas Sanders’ Vines

Thomas Sanders' Vines are family-friendly

My teenager, who loves to show me her favorite Vines, was the first one to let me know that Twitter is shutting Vine down.

While some businesses used Vine in an attempt to reach their audiences, it was really a place for people to share six-second stories and short, funny skits. Like other social media channels, Vine made some of its best contributors famous — among them, Thomas Sanders. (You’ll notice that Sanders prominently displays the address of his YouTube channel next to his profile picture on Vine.)

There are plenty of talented, funny Viners, but one of the things that I particularly appreciate about Sanders is the mostly family-friendly nature of his Vines; I’ve seen many of them now, and they don’t seem to get any dirtier than the brief flash of the middle finger in this Vine. While I don’t cringe at the occasional profanity or sexual reference (otherwise, I wouldn’t listen to Bruce Cockburn), many Vines are things that I wouldn’t share with children or even with some of my friends. Sanders’ work is refreshing.

Many Viners do variations on a theme, such as Jus Reign’s “Gotta Be More Careful” series (including this Vine and this one), but Sanders specializes in them. Among his themes are “Narrating People’s Lives,” “Misleading Compliments,” and pranks on his friends inspired by either Disney or Pokemon. Some of the pranks are a little more than I could take if I were one of his friends, but I love his Peter Pan-inspired prank. He often plays a dad, a teacher, or a prince.

Occasionally, Sanders uses humor as social commentary. He’s covered platonic friendships between men and women, stress in schools, and strict dress codes for girls. But most of his Vines are just silly fun as he plays Ant-Man, an introvert at a party, a man who rescues a dog, a drama geek in a history class, and a cat… and those are only some of the Vines I wanted to link to in this post!

This week, take a break and indulge in some of Thomas Sanders’ Vines. Vine may be going away, but I have a feeling Sanders will do just fine without it.

 

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Make a Difference

Make a Difference: Choose Love

 

 

Choose love

This isn’t the “make a difference” post I’d originally planned for this week, but as I drove to work on Wednesday morning, I began thinking about the upcoming presidential election, and I decided to table the post I’d been working on and post about love instead.

On Tuesday, we will vote for our next president… at least, I hope readers are planning to vote. This has been the most emotionally charged campaign I have ever seen. Many of us are so distressed that there is a very real temptation not to vote. Please, don’t give up. Our right to vote is a precious thing that many people have been denied. Vote for the lesser of two evils or a third party candidate, or write in a vote… but whatever you do, please vote because you are fortunate enough to have a voice in who will run our country. And remember, while choosing not to vote may seem like a way of saying you are fed up with the choices offered to you, it can also be read as “I don’t care.”

Please care enough to vote.

Care because we have one of the two largest economies in the world. Care because our military spending far outpaces that of any other country. Care because our country is one of the top greenhouse gas emitters in the world. Care because the U.S. is one of the most charitable nations on earth. Our choice of president influences not just our own country but the entire world.

And when you vote, please don’t vote out of anger or hatred or fear. Anger is a valid emotion. It can motivate us to do good things, but I don’t believe it should be our primary source of motivation. I believe that we are our best selves and make our wisest decisions when we are motivated by love.

Don’t vote for candidate X because you are afraid of what this country is becoming or for candidate Y because you are afraid of what that person will do in power. Vote for the candidate who best models a wise and loving spirit, even if you believe that no candidate is particularly good at modeling that.

On Wednesday, when the dust has settled, we will know who our next president will be (barring a repeat of the 2000 election). Choose love in the aftermath.

Your candidate may not win. It may feel like the end of the world. You may be angry with the people who supported the winning candidate. Were they blind? Are they evil? You might be afraid for what our next president may do. Of course they will have a lot of power, and with such power, they could indeed do horrible things.

Choose to love anyway.

Or your candidate may win. You may be relieved that the nation did not swing over to the dark side. You may want to crow a bit about how evil did not triumph, how there were not, in fact, enough idiots in this country to put That Person in office.

If your candidate wins, choose to love the “idiots” whose candidate lost.

I’m not saying that it’s wrong to feel strongly about this election. I have very strong opinions about who should win. I’m not saying it’s wrong to express those opinions, although I’m choosing not to openly endorse a candidate in this post. I think it’s normal to feel some fear and anger, given what we’ve seen during this campaign season. But I believe that, no matter how powerful our president may be, our nation will ultimately stand or fall based on whether we choose to be people who act out of love.

You’ve almost certainly seen this commercial before, but it’s worth watching again. It may be fiction, but I believe that if we are as loving as this character, we will change the world for the better.

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Something Wonderful

Something Wonderful: Pop Culture Happy Hour and the Slate Culture Gabfest

Listen to these podcasts

Like many people, I got sucked into the world of podcasts by Serial. Now I’m subscribed to nine active podcasts. Of these, two of my favorites are round-table discussions on culture.

NPR’s Pop Culture Happy Hour and the Slate Culture Gabfest are very similar to each other — to the point where they sometimes cover the same subject matter. The Culture Gabfest is the older of the two podcasts, and it has more of a highbrow flavor (after all, its name lacks the word “pop”). Hosts Stephen Metcalf, Julia Turner, and Dana Stevens cover three topics and end the podcast with endorsements of music, books, television shows… even products.

While I enjoy the thoughtful discussion on recent movies, essays, and subjects such as pilgrimages to writers’ houses, part of the fun is the interplay between the hosts. Metcalf and Turner often seem to be at odds with one another, although their verbal sparring is generally friendly. An exception to this occurred during a recent discussion on the unmasking of Elena Ferrante, which became so heated that Stevens suggested her co-hosts send each other wine as an apology gift. When Turner was absent from the podcast the following week, I was concerned. Then Metcalf missed the next week’s live show, although there was an explanation given for his absence: He was ill. I admit I was relieved when the team was back together three weeks after the Ferrante episode. Stevens plays the role of the conciliatory team member — she even appears between her two cohosts in all of the pictures on the show’s homepage. She’s also known for her amusing endorsements, including freshly grated nutmeg and Bob Ross’ “Beauty is Everywhere.”

I’m tickled by the fact that the Culture Gabfest begins with the warning: “The following podcast contains explicit language.” After that, you might expect a lot of f-bombs, but unless you think of the $50 words that Metcalf uses as explicit (according to Wikipedia, he pursued a Ph.D. in English at Yale), you’ll rarely hear any expletives on the podcast.

Pop Culture Happy Hour usually has more hosts and fewer segments. Most of the time three of the seats are filled by Linda Holmes, Stephen Thompson, and Glen Weldon; the fourth chair, once occupied by Trey Graham, rotates between different people from the NPR staff, including Kat Chow, Ari Shapiro, Gene Demby, and Audie Cornish. Episodes usually include two segments followed by “What’s Making Us Happy This Week,” this show’s version of endorsements. Like Gabfest, this podcast covers recent movies and television shows, as well as general topics, but the overall tone is a bit lighter than Slate’s and, thanks to the rotating fourth chair, the voices can be a little more diverse. Conflict between the hosts seems less barbed than in Gabfest, and the conversation feels less academic.

I already have long lists of books to read and things to watch — far more than I can consume before I die. I really don’t need to add more to my lists, but I still rejoice in the discoveries I’ve made thanks to these shows. While it’s been hard to miss the buzz around Stranger Things, the reason I asked my husband to watch it with me was because a contributor on PCHH spoke about how the show was influenced by Stephen King, Steven Spielberg, and John Carpenter. I picked up The Cuckoo’s Calling because of a special edition interview with J.K. Rowling on PCHH, and, when Culture Gabfest guest Laura Miller described Don’t Breathe as a reversal of Wait Until Dark, I decided I need to see the two movies back-to-back. The podcasts have also done me the service of letting me know when not to bother with something: both covered The BFG, and since neither show gave it glowing reviews, I decided to skip it, beautiful as the previews were.

Pressed to pick my favorite from these two podcasts, I’d have a terrible time. Thanks to the participants, both shows have a lot of personality. The Culture Gabfest is your really smart aunt who is not above watching the new TV show that everyone is talking about. You find your aunt a little intimidating, even though you admire her and enjoy spending time together. She can chat with you about all sorts of things while dropping in references to Wittgenstein and using words like “epistemological.” You learned a little about Wittgenstein in college, and you understand what “epistemological” means, but these are things you yourself do not use in conversation. Pop Culture Happy Hour is your cousin who talks with you about Steven Universe. Like you, he’s educated enough to understand most of the words and many of the references in your aunt’s conversation, but he speaks in a more down-to-earth manner. The two of you also share geeky interests that, despite your aunt’s well-roundedness, are really not her thing. You feel more at home with you cousin, but you find conversations with your aunt a little meatier.

Fortunately, I don’t have to choose between them.

The Slate Culture Gabfest comes out on Wednesdays, and Pop Culture Happy Hour is released on Fridays. Go forth and listen, and then let me know what you think.

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Make a Difference

Make a Difference: Simplify

simplify your life

“Why should we live with such hurry and waste of life?” — Henry David Thoreau, Walden

This week’s way to make a difference is one of the more difficult ones — at least, it is for me. But clearing space in your life is among the best things you can do if you want to change the world. Our culture encourages us to be always busy, always consuming, so that we have no time, money, or energy to spend on the things that really matter. We need to take back our lives.

Simplifying gives us “margin,” as Dr. Richard Swenson puts it, and it is out of this margin that we can make our contributions to the world. As an added benefit, scaling back on what we consume allows us to tread more lightly on the earth. If you’re concerned about the planet, embracing simplicity can be a powerful way to make a difference.

There are many ways to simplify your life. You probably know better than anyone else what you need to tackle. What stresses you out? What commitments on your calendar do you dread? What do you own that doesn’t bring you joy? What expenses do you have that you’d love to cut if you could? Start with those things. You may not be able to eliminate them completely, but with creativity and commitment to change, you can probably improve things.

I also recommend listening to your friends and family members if they point out ways you could cut back. Sometimes it’s easy to see how a friend can reduce his or her stress but be completely blind to the things in your own life that are dragging you down. One of my friends was worn out with shuttling his kids from one activity to the next, but he felt that all the things they did were very important and couldn’t imagine eliminating any of them. From my perspective it was clear that the best thing he could choose for his children would be to cancel some of their commitments and, instead, be a less-stressed dad who had more time to spend just hanging out with them.

At the same time, I was overcommitting myself. I complained on Facebook about having something to do every evening of a certain week. My sister responded, “Cut one of those things out.” I didn’t follow her advice at the time, but I couldn’t get it out of my mind. As a result, I’ve begun working hard to schedule no more than three evening activities Monday through Friday.

I’ve learned from experience that simplifying your life may require some trial and error before you find something that works for you. I liked the idea of developing a sort of “uniform,” so that I wouldn’t have to think about clothes, though I didn’t want to be as extreme as Steve Jobs. I decided to wear black pants to work and jeans on the weekend, with a limited number of seasonally appropriate tops to go with them. After some diet and exercise changes, I found that my wardrobe seemed to consist only of clown pants, all which had to be altered or replaced. I’m now considering a uniform that is more “dress-based,” at least on work days.

If you are eager to join me in the pursuit of a simpler life, there are some excellent resources to support you on your journey.

Leo Babauta’s blog, Zen Habits, is possibly the best site there is on this subject. Babauta deals with topics ranging from decluttering and exercise to establishing habits and ending procrastination. I cannot recommend his blog highly enough. As the name implies, Zen Habits is influenced, in part, by Zen Buddhism, but please don’t reject it because you’re not Buddhist. The posts speak to anyone who is interested in simplicity.

Another excellent blog is Be More With Less by Courtney Carver. Her posts include practical lists on ways to simplify your life. She also writes thoughtful essays on what’s truly important, such as her recent post, “Let’s Linger Longer and Fall in Love.”

I’ve gained a lot from reading Dr. Richard Swenson’s books Margin and The Overload Syndrome. He writes from a Christian perspective, but just as I encourage everyone to read the Zen Habits blog, I also believe that anyone can find value from these books. Swenson writes a lot about stress and limits, but he goes beyond the general to offer several practical “prescriptions” for building margin into all aspects of your life.

If there are other resources for simplicity that you love, please share them!

 

 

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Something Wonderful

Something Wonderful: Sneaky Cards

Sneaky Cards
How on earth am I going to get rid of that “Connect” card on the right? My middle name is “Tansey.”

I ran across Sneaky Cards at Mischief, a geeky toy shop in St. Paul that is something wonderful in and of itself. The blurb on the box describes the game as an interactive scavenger hunt, and the sample card instructs “Take a selfie with a total stranger. When you do: Hand them this card.” I’m an introvert, and I hate selfies, but because I like to challenge myself, I had to buy this deck of cards.

I love it.

The deck includes six different categories:

  • Surprise: The easiest cards for introverts, these generally ask you to leave the card someplace where it will be found, such as in a library book or near a famous landmark.
  • Connect: These cards do require interaction, such as picking a random word from the dictionary and then giving the card to the next person who says that word. I’ve failed to notice my word, although it is not all that esoteric.
  • Care: The cards in this category encourage you to brighten someone’s day by doing things like leaving a generous tip or baking something for a friend.
  • Grow: In this group of cards, you’ll be instructed to do things like cracking a code.
  • Create: This is the category that artistic people will love best, since it requires you to do things like designing a new sneaky card.
  • Engage: I consider this the most daunting group. For example, if I am to complete this deck of cards, I’m going to have to give a speech to at least three strangers in an elevator. That will stretch me more than any of the “Grow” cards will!

No matter what a card tells you to do, when you have completed the challenge, you will give that card to someone or leave it someplace to be discovered.

There are two ways you can play this game. I’m doing it the noncompetitive way: my challenge is simply to give away all of my cards. You also can play with a group of friends, each trying to be the first to get rid of his or her deck.

Whichever way you play, there is an online component that may enhance the experience, though that really depends on the people who receive your cards. Your deck has a unique number, and each card in the deck features your deck number plus a number that represents that particular card. People who get a card from you may go online and register the card so that you can track it. If you’ve participated in BookCrossing, the principle is very much the same. Only one of the six books I “released” through BookCrossing was registered online by its finder, and if he or she re-released that book, it has never turned up in the tracking system again. I’ve played 11 Sneaky Cards, and none of them have been registered yet. This doesn’t diminish my enjoyment of the game, but if that sort of thing matters to you, I wouldn’t count on much online feedback as you distribute the cards from your deck.

If you relish a good challenge, seek out a deck of Sneaky Cards and start playing!

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Make a Difference

Make a Difference: Sit Back, Relax, and Donate Blood

I like to relax with a book while I donate blood.
I like to think of this as an opportunity to read.

I know. Donating blood is an obvious way to make a difference. But many of us who are qualified to donate, don’t, because we’re afraid. I know this, because I used to let my own fear of needles hold me back. I can’t even look when I get a shot, so there was no way I was going to let someone stick a needle in me to take a pint of my blood!

Through much of my 20s, I didn’t meet the weight limit for donating blood, giving me a convenient excuse. But after I had a baby and turned 30, I stayed over the 110 lb. minimum, so I had to face the fact that I wasn’t donating because I was afraid.

Then came September 11. In the aftermath, I wanted to do something constructive. The first thing that occurred to me was to become a blood donor.

It wasn’t bad at all. I didn’t even feel faint.

There are other reasons people choose not to donate blood besides fear, of course. I know someone who got tired of being deferred for low iron and finally asked the Red Cross to stop calling her. But I’ve had many people tell me that they don’t like needles or are afraid of how they will feel after donating. After overcoming my own fear, I have a message for those of you are letting fear hold you back:

Donating blood is sort of a treat!

Yes, there’s the great feeling you get after having done something that saves lives. This was especially true for me the night I had someone stop me when she saw my post-donation “be nice to me” sticker. She wanted to thank me, because she had once needed a transfusion. When you meet someone who has benefited from a blood donation, the good that you’ve done really hits home.

But when I say that donating blood is a treat, I’m not talking about the feeling of having done something nice for someone else. I’m talking about how relaxing the experience can be.

If you feel like you’re trying to keep too many balls in the air — a job, parenting, caring for elderly parents, volunteer work, a side gig — the notion of being forced to relax can be a beautiful thing, so much so that some people actually fantasize about being laid up in the hospital for a while. Donating blood is a mini vacation from your day-to-day responsibilities. For roughly an hour — from the time you check in at the front desk to the time you walk out the door — you have time to just be with few demands. You’ll have to read some literature and answer some questions (you can take care of that ahead of time with the Rapid Pass system if you donate through the American Red Cross). You’ll get a finger prick or two (my least favorite part), and they’ll take your temperature, pulse, and blood pressure. If all turns out well, they will escort you to what you can think of as your own chaise lounge — it’s elevated and not plush, but you can just stretch out your legs, lean back, and give them an arm. You don’t have to watch. I like to bring a book. You could watch videos on your phone or daydream. You could even bring along a friend to donate with you and spend the time chatting.

Following your donation, you will be asked to sit in the canteen, drink a beverage, and, if you wish, eat a snack. As I mentioned, you will be given a sticker instructing others to be nice to you, and you will be told not to lift anything heavy for the rest of the day. “Dear, could you please carry the laundry basket upstairs for me? I’m not supposed to lift heavy things today.”

In the interest of complete truthfulness, I felt slightly dizzy once when I completed a donation. It had never happened before, and it has never happened since. It really wasn’t bad, and the staff made sure I was okay before they let me get up. I’ve seen one other person who did not feel well after her first donation. She was well attended to and did not faint. I have one friend who actually did faint after donating. She was told that she would have to donate in a hospital in the future, but a phone call to the Red Cross has since debunked that misinformation; she is welcome to donate at a Red Cross blood donation center. Feeling faint once does not mean that you will feel faint again; sometimes, the faintness occurs because of your physical condition when you gave blood, such as being dehydrated.

If you, like me, dislike needles, I’d like to encourage you to reframe blood donations. Think of donating as “me time.” Let other people take care of things for a while; just sit back, put your feet up, and rest, knowing that you have an excuse: You’re doing a great deal of good. And after you’re done, eat your snack guilt-free.

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Something Wonderful

Something Wonderful: Slow-burn Sci-fi/Fantasy Romances

Picture of sci-fi/fantasy romance novels
Perfect reading for a rainy day

Unless you count Jane Austen and Charlotte Bronte (I don’t), I rarely pick up romance novels. I do, however, enjoy sci-fi and fantasy novels that have romance thrown in. And I want the romance to be the slow-burning kind, the kind that makes you scream at the protagonists, “Come on! Just kiss already! Declare your love! You’re obviously crazy about each other!”

In the spirit of the slow-burn sci-fi/fantasy romance, I offer you the following gems.

The Best of All Possible Worlds by Karen Lord

In her second novel, Karen Lord plays with the idea of large-scale catastrophe and what it does to a culture. Drawing on news stories about the many women who died in the 2009 tsunami, Lord spins a tale of an entire planet that is destroyed. The Sadiri sent far more men than women to off-planet occupations, leaving a surviving population that was largely male. Grace Delarua is from Cygnus Beta, a diverse planet populated with different people groups who live in a rich array of cultural settings, including various groups of taSadiri, distant relations of the Sadiri. As part of a team that is searching for people who are most closely related to the Sadiri, in an attempt to arrange marriages that will allow them to preserve their identity, Grace slowly develops a growing regard for one of her Sadiri teammates, Dllenahkh.  Within the first 100 pages, I had become so entranced with the story that I was loathe to set the book aside to take care of the daily tasks of life.

Telepathic and empathic abilities, “mindships” and even time travel all play roles in the story, but the core of the novel is the unfolding relationship between Grace and Dllenahkh.

“Ever wonder if you’ve done the right thing?” I asked him finally.

“Frequently,” he replied. “Legalities notwithstanding, to not wonder indicates a dangerous lack of awareness of the nearly infinite array of choices presented by life. More tea?”

I held out my cup in mute assent. His fingertips brushed mine as he took it from me, and I felt a wave of… something. Approval? Affection, perhaps? I looked at him, startled, and he held my gaze for a second before focusing on pouring.

Whether or not any of her other books are of the “slow-burn romance” variety, I’ll be reading more of Lord’s novels in the future.

Bronze Gods and Silver Mirrors by A. A. Aguirre

So far, Ann Aguirre and her husband, Andres, have managed to stretch out this slow-burn romance over two books set in a steampunk universe. I keep checking Ann’s website to see when the next book in the series will come out. I certainly hope there will be another.

The books involve partners Celeste Ritsuko and Janus Mikani, inspectors working for the Criminal Investigation Division in a city called Dorstaad. Bronze Gods is very much a murder mystery, while Silver Mirrors mostly sheds the feel of a detective novel, moving more into the realm of adventure. The key to both is the growing relationship between coworkers who, having come to like each other during the first three years of their work together, find their feelings growing beyond those of good partners.

He drained his own beer with a deep pull, before saying, “Anything for you, partner. You’re always there when I need you, and that means the world to me.”

Warmth spread from the tips of her toes all the way to the top of her head. With anyone else, at a moment like this, she’d be thinking about the curve of his bottom lip or how his whiskers might prickle if she leaned a little closer. Before she knew it, her hand was moving, brushing against his jaw to find out. He leaned into her touch, smiling faintly as he caught her gaze. His skin was hot, the scruff prickling against her palm, and she slid her hand farther back into his hair, because she knew his head ached after a bad night. She pressed her fingertips to a few key points in slow, soothing circles.

“How’s that? Better?”

His lashes drifted shut as he dipped his head forward. When he opened his eyes, their noses were nearly touching. “Much.”

War for the Oaks by Emma Bull

This book is known, in part, for being a defining novel of the “elf-punk” genre. Think faeries and rock bands, but don’t laugh — it works much better than you might expect. Set in Minneapolis in the 1980s, the book is so full of detail that you could cosplay some of the characters. You could also pull together a long playlist of the songs mentioned in the book — something I plan to do someday.

War for the Oaks is a bit different from the other books I’ve mentioned: for one thing, the question of whether or not the romantic tension will be resolved is answered earlier in this book than in the others I’ve mentioned, though the tension still goes on long enough to qualify as slow-burn. It also has some sex scenes that aren’t present in the other books, although they are not at all graphic.

In addition, more than one male character in the book is seriously vying for the attention of Eddi McCandry, the main character. If you read Jane Austen’s Mansfield Park, you may remember wondering if Fanny would end up with Edmund or Henry. Emma Bull’s novel reminds me of that, although perhaps it is better to compare Eddi to Captain Wentworth in Persuasion, turning the question of “who will she end up with” into “will the one who is clearly pining for her win her attention.” Although I probably don’t need to try so hard to avoid spoilers, I’ve chosen a passage from the book that doesn’t reveal the “he” who is in it.

Moonlight reflected off the water and into his eyes, and they seemed deeper than the creek. Eddi knew she should let go of him, maybe say something. But the moment when she should have done that went past. He opened his mouth to speak, shut it again, and shivered under her arm. “Ah, well,” he whispered, with a little catch in his voice.

Besides combining a nerdy theme with romance, Bull’s book has one other thing in common with the books by Lord and the Aguirres. All of them touch, at least in part, on fairy lore — not the fairy tales of the Brothers Grimm, but the sort of stuff you might run across in Faeries by Brian Froud and Alan Lee. In fact, in an interview with Green Man Review, Bull mentions that book as one of her influences.

War for the Oaks is, of course, heavily involved in the world of faerie, given its subject matter. Bronze Gods and Silver Mirrors take place in a world that used to belong to faeries — or “Ferishers” as they are called in the books — and the blood of those faerie natives still flows through the veins of some of the people of that world, including Janus Mikani.

Faeries barely show up in The Best of All Possible Worlds, and when they do, it is in a very different way from the other books I’ve mentioned, but they are there. During the search for compatible mates for the surviving Sadiri men, the team encounters a culture that calls itself the Seelie Court, ruled by “the Faerie Queen.” The notion of an alien culture built on old Earth stories is not the only thing in the book that made me think of Star Trek, but the novel still stands on its own as a worthwhile read.

So here’s your wonderful thing for the week: Pick a book from the list, get your hands on it, and enjoy! Then tell me what you thought.

Update (02/15/21): Looking for more sci-fi romance? I recently posted on the Sirantha Jax series by Ann Aguirre. The first book could qualify as slow-burn.

Categories
Make a Difference

Make a Difference: Learn How to Eat an Elephant

A St. Francis statue overwhelmed with prayer requests
This saint definitely has his hands full!

I host anti-slavery chocolate parties, and they always begin with a quiz on modern-day slavery. At the end of the quiz, I ask people if they are overwhelmed. Slavery can be overwhelming once you realize how many of the goods and services you consume may have been provided by slaves: chocolate, tomatoes, shrimp, cotton, gold, rugs, smartphones, manicures and more. How can you completely eliminate slave-produced goods and services from your life?

And beyond slavery, what can we do about climate change, plastic in the oceans, world hunger, racism, sexism, violence?

I tell people to think of each of these problems as an elephant. We have a herd of elephantine problems to tackle. If you try to tackle the whole herd at once, you will never succeed. We need to remember that the only way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time. I encourage the people who attend my parties to figure out their first bite — perhaps replacing conventional candy bars with fair-trade bars — and to focus on that bite before taking another.

The fact is, not one of us is God. Not one of us can fix all of the world’s problems. Trying to do so will only lead to overwhelm and paralysis.

I cannot do everything, but still I can do something. — Edward Everett Hale

In my weekly “Make a Difference” blog entries, I’m going to mention many ways to make a difference, because there are many, many things we can do. These entries are not a checklist. The goal isn’t perfection, because perfection isn’t attainable, and striving for perfection is a sure recipe for burnout. The goal is simply for each of us to do what we can.

So stop trying to do everything. Stop exhausting yourself by carrying the woes of the world on your shoulders. They are not yours to carry. Instead, look for what one thing you need to do right now, and when you have accomplished that one thing, then you can think about what to tackle next.

You can’t make a difference if you get so overwhelmed that you give up.

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Something Wonderful

Something Wonderful: Sharmanka Kinetic Theatre

Time of Rats kinematic sculpture at Sharmanka Kinetic Theatre
Detail from “Time of Rats” by Eduard Bersudsky. Photo by Sharmanka Kinetic Theatre.

I don’t intend to post frequently about wonderful things associated with a particular location, but sometimes a performance or place is too special not to mention. One of these is Sharmanka Kinetic Theatre in Glasgow, Scotland.

Sharmanka is like nothing I’ve ever seen. It has relatives, such as glockenspiel clocks with moving figures and animated Christmas displays in shopping malls, but it is distinctly different from them. A small space, Sharmanka is filled with “kinemats” — moving sculptures of wooden figures and cast-off objects. During the 45-minute show that I attended, the audience first moved between nine different kinemats and then settled in front of a collection of sculptures called “Merry-Go-World” for the remainder of the show.

All of the kinetic sculptures in the theater are the work of Russian-born Eduard Bersudsky. Bersudsky’s creations are filled with fantastical creatures. Birds, mice, bears, dogs, humans and other beings push levers and turn wheels, ringing bells. Occasionally they do other things, such as typing or riding a bicycle. All of this is accompanied by music.

The sculptures come to life bit by bit. Each time one is activated, a part of it is illuminated and begins to move. Once viewers have had a chance to watch that piece in action, it stops, and another part of the sculpture starts up. After individual bits of the kinemat have been highlighted, the audience sees it operate as a whole. I found that this allowed me to absorb the entire work and appreciate Bersudsky’s genius.

If you have the opportunity to go to Glasgow, Sharmanka Kinetic Theatre is a must-see. Tickets are very affordable; the 45-minute show costs £6, and the 70-minute show is £8. There are concessions (discounts) for children, students and retirees. You must pay cash. Sculptures also go on tour; tour dates are listed on the theater’s website.

For those who can’t visit the theater (probably most of my readers), you can see some of the sculptures in motion on Sharmanka’s Vimeo and YouTube channels. Take some time out this week and enjoy the bizarre beauty of Bersudsky’s kinemats.