Category: Make a Difference

Fitness Events

When I first added this to my list of ideas for the blog, I was thinking solely of events. As a devoted walker, I’ve participated in many charity walk/run events, including fund-raisers for our local humane society, for an anti-human trafficking organization and for HeroSearch.org. These events raise money in different ways – some through entry fees and some through donations solicited by participants.

I learned about most of these events from the organizations themselves. Some events are heavily advertised; our Animal Humane Society’s walk is promoted on billboards and buses. You can also search for charity fitness events online. Fitness magazine offers a list of events for several different causes. Most of these are for walkers and/or runners, but there are a couple of events for cyclists, a Nordic skiing event, and even an extremely difficult challenge for climbers. You can find a similar list of events on The Balance.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t direct you to an article questioning the effectiveness of these events. My personal feeling is that fitness events can be a way to raise funds that people might not otherwise donate. They can also raise awareness; as the article notes, if you’ve ever been in the vicinity of a large charity event, you can’t help but notice it. That said, the most effective donations are direct donations that aren’t tied to an event. You can also choose to direct your efforts toward events with lower overheads, like the CROP Hunger Walk.

Apps

As I started to work on this post, I was reminded of another way we can exercise for charity: through phone apps. Our humane society’s occasional magazine informed me about Walk for a Dog, which allows you to pick from many rescue organizations and shelters. Advertisers and sponsors donate money to the different organizations selected by walkers based on the number of active walkers for each organization.

Walk for a Dog is far from the only app of its kind. There are several options, the most popular of which seems to be Charity Miles.

If you’re motivated by doing good things for others, exercising for charity may just be the kick in the pants you need… or it may simply be a way to give a new purpose to your workouts. Look into an event or an app, and start using your exercise time to raise money for a cause.

Full disclosure: I know the founder of HeroSearch.org and have done some writing for her. She did not ask me to write this post.

Sometimes you know what to do with your stuff. There are things you recycle or throw away, because no one would want them. The Writer’s Market book from 2003. The stained, holey t-shirt. There are also things that you have a home for. You’ll give your friend that necklace you no longer want, but she loves. You’ll take your toddler’s outgrown coat to the coat drive your church runs every fall.

Sometimes you look at something and have no idea what to do with it. Or, you know that Organization X might take it, but you wonder if you can find an organization with a mission you feel passionate about that would want it.

Enter HeroSearch.org.

HeroSearch.org allows you to search for organizations near you that need specific items you might have. You must enter your ZIP code and the distance you are willing to travel. Then, if you wish, you can narrow your search by organization name, by the types of items you have to donate, by whether or not the organization will pick up your donation, and by type of charity. For instance, when I searched for a place within 20 miles that would accept musical items, I found Pedal and Roll for Parkinson’s, which needs percussion instruments. When I searched for animal organizations within 10 miles that could use any donation, I found a wildlife rehabilitation center that could use shoeboxes (I’ll have to remember not to recycle mine anymore) and bath towels. I also found an animal shelter that needs newspapers, fans, fleece, pet carriers, and zip ties.

HeroSearch.org started in the Minneapolis-St. Paul area, so most of the participating organizations are within that region. But if you are anywhere in the United States, try the search. I searched for charities within 100 of miles of 22301, and one in Wheaton, Maryland, popped up. Nominate a charity in your area, and perhaps you will help HeroSearch.org grow.

I wish Drop the Ball was around when I was new mother.

When my husband and I were newlyweds, he worked an average of 60 hours a week. I worked 40 hours per week, we lived in an apartment, and we had no children. It made sense for me to be responsible for most of the domestic chores. Over time, our work schedules equalized. We also purchased a home and had a child. My husband took on more domestic responsibilities than he had in the past, but I never felt like we did a good job of renegotiating housework. I coped by neglecting a lot of chores and by limiting my career ambitions.

Dufu says many women take the “mommy track” for just this reason. She wrote Drop the Ball to encourage women and men to rethink household chores so that mothers don’t have to give up on their careers.

If you are imagining a book that teaches women to order men around, you’ve got the wrong idea. Dufu does encourages women to speak up about how household responsibilities are shared, but the plan she outlines encourages men and women to work together as a team. She also makes it clear that women need to trust men’s competence at home, noting that too often we get in our own way when it comes to sharing chores.

Dufu’s book is both positive and practical. The first few chapters set the scene for her decision to drop the ball. Then she gets into the meat of her story: how she went about making changes. Dufu encourages couples to set a “compass” — a few questions that help them make decisions together — and to get clear about their values. She shares how she created a spreadsheet that reflects all household work. This work is then allocated among family members. One of the most important columns on the spreadsheet is for tasks that won’t get done until the next time the couple sits down to reallocate chores. This is one way women can practice dropping the ball. They also should step back and let family members take full responsibility for their own chores — a difficult but necessary task.

What should women do with the time they free up after letting go of some of their responsibilities at home? Dufu encourages them to prioritize exercise, sleep, networking, and increasing one’s professional presence.

Although this book is written for a specific audience — married heterosexual mothers who work outside the home — there are lessons in it that can work for many different people. Single mothers may be able to apply some of Dufu’s “go to’s” and pull together support teams. Women with grown children, or no children, who still feel that an imbalance of household responsibilities makes reaching their full career potential difficult will be able to use many of Dufu’s tricks for dropping the ball. No matter who you are, if you want to renegotiate chores in your household, this book is worth reading.

Our child is no longer small, but I plan to use much of what I’ve learned from this book. More importantly, I’m sharing it with others. Recently some people asked me to mentor their teen daughter. As part of our mentoring relationship, I gave her a copy of the book. I’ve placed a copy in our Little Free Library. I have yet another copy on hand to give away when I find someone else who could use it.

If we want to make a difference, we need to remove barriers that hold women back from making their best contributions to the world. One way we can do that is by sharing this book. If women start using their time in a way that aligns with their values, they’ll be happier and more effective. And when women and men start working as a team, everyone wins.

Have you ever felt powerless? We are so small, and we live for such a short period of time. The world’s problems are so big. What can we do, really? And if we can’t do anything, why bother?

Recently I was talking with my daughter about a mistake I had made with noticeable consequences. When I was in my high school’s marching band, I was one of two bell players. That year our percussion solo was “The Peanut Vendor.” During one performance — I believe it was for a judged competition — I came in early. One bell player playing at the wrong time. How bad can that be? How about bad enough to really throw things off? When your instrument is easy to hear, bad timing can be a big deal. I still cringe when I remember it.

That brought to mind another mistake with even bigger consequences. A friend and I once managed to evacuate an entire college residence hall. In Minnesota. In January. We had a craving for fried plantain, so we purchased one from a grocery store, sliced it up, and started deep frying it in oil in our dorm’s kitchen. We were so busy talking and laughing that we weren’t keeping a good eye on the hot oil. It started to smoke, which set off the fire alarms. Nothing was actually on fire, so we weren’t sure what to do. In the end, we decided to turn off the heat and leave the dorm with everyone else. People were standing outside in the cold without coats, asking each other what had happened. Apparently someone overheard the firemen say “someone was frying a banana.” Close enough.

Of course, both of these examples are negative: One musician throwing off a band performance. Two college students causing a dorm to be evacuated. But if I can manage to cause that sort of chaos by accident, what sort of good could I really accomplish if I set my mind to it?

You’ve probably heard the saying “If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” It’s another negative example, but it’s a good one. There’s nothing like the high-pitched whine of a mosquito at night to cause sleeplessness. Small things really can make themselves felt.

Sometimes we read about people who start social enterprises or raise a lot of money for a charity or advocate successfully for social reforms. It’s easy to think that those are special people. We’re not like them.

But when I think about my “disaster” stories, I wonder… Am I failing to realize how powerful one person, even me, can really be? Maybe, just maybe, each and every one of us is more powerful than we think. Let’s own our power and figure out how we can use it for good.

If you actively support your local animal shelter, you may know that it is now “kitten season.” Because many people don’t spay or neuter their cats, shelters are flooded with unwanted kittens throughout the summer. Unfortunately, shelters often lack the resources to support all of the cats they receive, so many are euthanized.

There are several ways you can take action during the summer to improve the lives of homeless cats and kittens.

Spay or neuter your cats

First, and most important, if you are a cat owner, please spay or neuter your kittens as soon as possible after they turn eight weeks old. I know more than one good cat owner who had a kitten that got pregnant at a very young age, before the owner was able to get her spayed. If you’re having trouble paying for the operation, you may be able to find a low-cost spay/neuter program near you.

If you have feral cats in your area, consider promoting a trap-neuter-return program to reduce the population of feral cats and kittens.

Adopt cats

If you are able to take in one or more new pets, you can do a great deal of good by adopting one or even two cats — preferably adults. When people choose a cat at an animal shelter, they frequently choose a kitten over an adult. If you can adopt one or two adult cats, you may save them from being euthanized. Cats sometimes come to the shelter with a “buddy” from their previous home; it’s wonderful if you can keep these cats together. And your shelter may offer a deal on a multi-cat adoption, such as an “adopt one cat, get one free” special.

Provide foster care

Sometimes cats and kittens need foster care. The shelter may lack the space for all of the cats that are brought in during kitten season, or they may lack the resources to care for cats and kittens with special needs. If you want to provide a temporary home to one or more cats, contact your local animal shelter and ask them about how you might provide foster care.

Make a donation

Animal shelters need your support. Our local humane society is supported solely through donations. If people don’t give, they can’t provide for all of the animals that are brought in. In addition to donating money, you may be able to donate supplies to your shelter; check their website or call them to see if they need anything you can give. Your shelter may also need volunteer support, particularly if you are willing to make a long-term commitment.

In addition to donating to your shelter, you may want to consider donating to a spay/neuter program in your area.

I’d love to see a world where kitten season was not a problem. Until that day comes, let’s do what we can to reduce the number of cats that are euthanized.

Humor is a difficult subject. People have strong, often strongly expressed, opinions about it. Think of things we say to each other: “That’s not funny!” and “Oh, lighten up!”

I initially worked on this post soon after the fallout over the photo of Kathy Griffin holding what looked like Trump’s severed head. I felt like I was coming across as too preachy, so I set it aside for last week’s post, but I knew I wanted to come back to it.

I understand that certain things — humor, art, the prophetic voice — can be deeply disturbing. I also believe that no one — not even the President — is above being criticized or poked fun at. But humor is a tricky thing. We shouldn’t just shrug off negative responses, telling ourselves that some people don’t get it. Sometimes the problem is that we think we’re being funny when we’re merely being offensive. I believe that Griffin’s photo fell in that category; there’s nothing funny about an implied threat. (I also don’t believe the threats against her were appropriate. As I polish this on the same day as the shooting in Alexandria, Virginia, I am troubled by the way so many people seem to resort to threats of violence or actual violence to settle differences.)

My first class toward my master’s degree was a video production course. I remember our instructor saying that all humor is cruel. I disagree with that, but I appreciate how he carried the idea to its logical conclusion: Humor should always be directed at yourself or at someone of a higher standing, not at people below your level. Some mock class award ceremonies at the end of May proved my instructor’s point. If you missed the news, teachers at a couple of different schools gave out awards such as “most likely to become a terrorist,” “most likely to become homeless,” and “most likely not to pay attention” (to a child with ADHD). Poking fun at the children they taught wasn’t funny; it was hurtful.

I think the best way to approach humor is to think about our motives. Humor that tears down can really be cruelty in disguise, particularly when it involves tearing someone down over a characteristic over which they have little to no control (say, their appearance vs. their behavior). If we want to make a difference in the world, I don’t think we need to become humorless; we simply need to combine our sense of humor with a spirit of love.

As I sat in the stands at my daughter’s commencement ceremony, I saw her looking for us. I waved, but she kept looking. (“It’s hard to see your mom wave when everyone’s mom is waving,” she told me later.) She did finally spot us, but before she did, I thought she seemed a little worried. It turned out that I was right. Our family came in two separate cars, and for a while, she wondered if everyone had managed to make it on time.

I remember how much it mattered to me at that age when people showed up. I scanned the audience at school concerts. Were the people who mattered to me there? Even when I was a prickly and semi-independent teen, I wanted my family to be there for me.

When I was in first grade, we had a class concert for our parents. At the end, there was a big “surprise” as we unveiled a drawing that tied in with the theme to the concert. It really wasn’t a big deal in the scheme of things, but it was a big deal to me. My dad was working, but I was counting on my mom to come. Unfortunately, I gave her the wrong time, so she missed the concert. It wasn’t her fault, and I knew that. Still, I was heartbroken. I could sing the songs for her myself, I could point out the piece of art on the classroom wall, but it wasn’t the same. Decades later, I still remember standing with the other kids as we performed and wondering where my mom was.

Truthfully, it still matters for me when people I love are there for me.

Most of us will miss the occasional concert or game or special event. But when we make the time to be there for a loved one, it really matters. When they scan the crowd, let’s be there for them to find.

When my daughter was a toddler, we were flying home from a visit with some relatives and had a layover in Dallas-Fort Worth. We had plenty of time to get to our gate, until everything went wrong. Our stroller, which had been gate-checked, was sent to the baggage claim. Things kept going downhill from there. During our stroller-induced trials and tribulations, our flight was moved to another terminal. A gate agent unhelpfully told me, “You’re going to miss your flight.”

As I rushed to the other terminal, I began to cry. Most people passed by without noticing or, if they did notice, they just kept walking. I don’t blame them. I’m sure many of them were in a hurry to get where they needed to go, and others probably felt that what was going on in my life was none of their business. But one woman asked me what was wrong and walked briskly alongside me as I told her. She couldn’t fix my situation, but the fact that she cared was comfort enough… and in the end, the flight was delayed, so we made it.

All around us there are people who just want to know that someone cares about what they’re going through. Most of us are probably pretty good at offering support to our closest friends and family members, but we may not bother to reach out to other people — strangers, coworkers, neighbors, people we just see from time to time. We have busy lives and may assume that surely someone is reaching out to them, someone who is closer to them than us. Sometimes we’re afraid to reach out. We feel that another person’s situation is none of our business, or we’re afraid that by bringing up a painful situation, we’ll just hurt the suffering person more.

Let’s assume instead that by reaching out, we can really make a difference in that person’s life.

What’s the worst that can happen? Maybe a person will tell us that what they are going through is none of our business. Maybe they’ll start to cry (and maybe those tears will be good for them). Maybe several people have already asked after them, and they’re ready to move on. Maybe they’ll be so grateful that someone cares that they’ll talk our ears off, forcing us either to be gently assertive in order to end the conversation or to deal with more than we’d bargained for. Some of these things are unpleasant, but none are horrible.

But… what if no one has bothered to reach out to them? What if they are yearning to know that someone cares?

One of the kindest things we can do for another person is to get over our hangups and reach out to them. More often than not, we’ll find that it’s not too much trouble and that the person we are coming alongside appreciates our efforts. We may not be able to do this for everyone around us, but if we start to make a habit of looking out for ways we can reach out to others, we’ll touch a lot of lives.