Note from Kate Norlander: This is a first for my blog — a guest post. While this is not something I intend to do regularly, Patrick Young pitched me an idea he is well-suited to address: what to look for in an accessible home. I’ve failed to address accessibility so far, so I appreciated his pitch. How does knowing what to look for in an accessible home relate to making a difference? While you may be looking for an accessible home for yourself, you may also need to help someone you know, such as a parent, find a home that meets their needs. Patrick’s advice will help. And if you are in the position to build your dream house or extensively remodel your home, consider adding one or more of these features, even if you don’t need them right now. They will enable you to open your home to more people, and when it is time to sell your home, it may be an attractive option for people who are looking for something accessible.
Remodeling is part of the territory when it comes to living with a disability. Many families pay in the thousands to retrofit a home for accessibility, spending money on projects like stairlifts, wider doorways, and accessible bathrooms. But shoehorning accessibility into an older home may not be the best choice.
In many cases, homeowners can save money and achieve a greater degree of accessibility by purchasing a home designed with inclusion in mind — or one that is more easily amended. To help with the hunt, check out these tips.
Accessibility and Universal Design
Why is buying a new home a smart move? Today’s home builders are factoring open floor plans and universal design into their construction.
Universal design is about building homes that are livable for everyone, whether you’re a young family, an adult with a disability, or a senior aging in place. Universal design aims to eliminate barriers without sacrificing design so homeowners can enjoy a house that’s as beautiful as it is accessible.
Throughout much of the United States, the housing market is competitive, even during the COVID-19 pandemic. That means you need to act fast when a property that suits your needs and lifestyle becomes available, so make sure you know your priorities.
4 Things You’ll Want in Accessible Homes
Consider these accessible features you’ll find in newer homes — and what you’ll pay to add them to your old one.
1. A Step-Free Front Entrance
Stepless entrances are helpful for everyone, not just people with disabilities. Whether you use a wheelchair, are a senior with mobility problems, or a parent pushing a stroller, you’ll appreciate a step-free approach. They also create a clean look, making them a popular trend for modern home exteriors.
What You’ll Pay to Add It:
Retrofitting a zero-step entrance isn’t cheap. Most homeowners don’t care for the look of portable or wooden ramps, but in order to build a rampscape, you’ll need to grade the approach before laying concrete. Minor grading starts around $500 while walkways range from $6 to $10 per square foot for materials, plus labor costs.
2. Hardwood Floors
There’s a reason hardwood is the most popular flooring. Not only is real hardwood beautiful, but it’s also durable, easy to clean, and warm underfoot. That makes it a great fit for families of all types, but especially people with disabilities who need a surface that’s easy to navigate, but not so hard it’s hazardous if they fall.
What You’ll Pay to Add It:
Homeowners save big with a home that already has hardwood flooring. However, installing hardwood can be surprisingly affordable. In addition to opting for a moderately priced wood, homeowners can save money by purchasing materials and prepping the area themselves. This could bring hardwood flooring costs down.
3. Open Floor Plans
Narrow doorways and cramped rooms leave little room for wheelchairs to navigate. They also make life at home more challenging for people with hearing loss who rely on lines of sight to monitor what’s happening at home. Open floor plans eliminate these barriers by providing ample floor space and bringing a home’s living areas together.
What You’ll Pay to Add It:
Changing your home’s floor plan is rarely cost-effective. RemodelingImage.com notes prices start at $8-$15 per square foot to remove non-load-bearing walls, reroute wiring, and fix the flooring. If you need to remove load-bearing walls or move plumbing, the cost spikes dramatically.
4. A Roll-In Shower
Curbless showers are sleek, modern, and luxurious. They’re also great for wheelchair users, seniors, and other people with disabilities. Known as zero-threshold showers, roll-in showers, or wet rooms, these bathroom fixtures offer clean lines and barrier-free access.
What You’ll Pay to Add It:
Since building a curbless shower requires changes to framing, it’s expensive to add these fixtures after the fact. Per the Orange County Register, homeowners should expect to pay $2,500 to $5,000 to replace a bathtub with a curbless shower, but prices vary depending on shower size, layout, and how much framing is needed to accommodate the new shower.
Before you start retrofitting your old house, compare the costs of renovating with what you’d spend moving to a new home. While moving is a hassle, you’ll appreciate having a barrier-free home without the expense and disruption of a major remodel.
Visit Patrick’s blog at ableusa.info. You’ll find posts on home modification resources for a family member with visual impairments, raising a child with special needs, finding funding if you are an entrepreneur with disabilities, and more.
If this is your first time at katenorlander.com, check out some of the other posts about making a difference. I also post about books, movies, and other forms of entertainment under the category “Something Wonderful,” because everybody needs to take a break and recharge!
Over the past week, the National Human Trafficking Hotline has received hundreds of reports referencing social media posts claiming online retailer Wayfair is part of a complex child sex trafficking scheme. These reports come from concerned citizens who learn of something unspeakable and feel compelled to act. Unfortunately, the Wayfair situation in many ways echoes the Pizzagate conspiracy in 2016, which resulted in violence and barely-averted tragedy. What we learned at that time was that unsubstantiated claims and accusations about child sex trafficking can spin out of control and mislead well-meaning people into doing more harm than good.
– Polaris
The problem?
First, when people call human trafficking hotlines about rumors, that misuses the organizations’ resources. Beyond that, rumors get in the way of the actual truths about human trafficking. Finally, when people believe the rumors they read without verifying facts, they sometimes harm innocent people in their rush to execute what they believe is justice.
Here’s what you need to know about child sex trafficking
Sex traffickers rarely kidnap children. Instead, they seek vulnerable children and teens and convince them that they care.
The children most likely to be trafficked are in situations that leave them vulnerable to oppression or abuse. They may be runaways, experiencing domestic or sexual abuse at home, living in poverty, or addicted to drugs and alcohol. They are more likely to be LGBTQ+ youth or people of color.
Children and youth are most likely to be trafficked by someone they know, such a family member or someone they’re dating.
Youth may be approached on social media by someone who claims a romantic interest in them, or they may respond to a job offer that isn’t legitimate.
Wanting to stop human trafficking is a noble impulse. Here are some tips and helpful resources:
If someone shares information with you about child sex trafficking, check the facts before you spread the word. Polaris has a page dedicated to popular rumors regarding child sex trafficking.
Educate yourself about slavery. Visit the websites of well-established nonprofits that fight human trafficking, such as:
Polaris, which has operated the U.S. National Human Trafficking Hotline since 2007;
International Justice Mission, which partners with local authorities in 13 countries to combat slavery, violence against women and children, and police abuse of power against people who are poor;
Free the Slaves, founded in 2000 to change the conditions that allow modern slavery to exist;
Stop the Traffik, a 14-year-old, UK-based organization that uses an intelligence-led approach to prevent human trafficking;
Freedom United, a global organization that focuses on awareness, education, and mass action to end slavery; and
A21, an organization that works to reach people with information on human trafficking, offers rescue services such as hotlines and legal assistances for survivors, and provides restorative services, such as survivor relocation and aftercare.
You will notice that the focus of these organizations goes beyond child sex trafficking. That is because child sex trafficking is only part of the slavery that exists worldwide; in fact, forced labor accounts for at least 50% of modern slavery. (See note below for more information on this figure.)
Donate to nonprofits that fight slavery, such as the ones I mentioned above. It’s not a good idea to take matters into your own hands, as the man who followed through on his concerns about alleged sex-trafficking at Comet Ping Pong learned.
There are other actions you can take. For instance, if you take pictures of your hotel room and upload them to the TraffickCam app, these pictures may allow investigators to identify rooms used in advertisements for people who are being trafficked for sex. I encourage you to go directly to the organizations I mention above to look for ways you can work to stop human trafficking. My blog also offers a few ideas (search for “slavery”).
Note: In April 2019, I stated “81% of slaves worldwide are forced to provide labor” — a figure that is significantly different from the one cited above. One reason for this is that it can be hard to get accurate statistics about slavery, since slavery is illegal and therefore tends to be hidden. In addition, I have cited two different sources for these figures. Free the Slaves, which provided the statistic stating that forced labor accounts for 50% of modern slavery, counts forced marriage as a form of slavery, accounting for 37.5% of worldwide cases of slavery. The information I found that states that 81% of slaves are involved in forced labor was from Polaris’ website; I can no longer find that information on their site. Including or not including forced marriage as slavery could affect statistics on the percentage of slaves who are forced to provide labor.
When I started this series with Mark Walden’s story, I called it “average people making a difference.” I have no idea why I chose to use “average” instead of “ordinary.” Maybe I was thinking of the phrase “average Joe”? At any rate, when I wrote about Curtis Johnson, he shared the post on Facebook. One of his friends (rightly) commented, “But you’re not average.” I agree. None of these people are average. So I’m changing the name of the series to “ordinary people making a difference.” The point is this: All of these people impress me, but they also demonstrate how anyone can make a difference. We don’t have to be wealthy or important. We just have to be willing to try.
When someone suggested Liz Fleming to me for a profile, I had a hard time embracing the idea. Liz is a licensed physician. That’s not ordinary! (One could also say that a computer programmer, like Curtis, is not ordinary, but perhaps because he is one of my good friends, he feels like a “regular” person to me.)
But as I talked with Liz, I saw how her story applies to all of us. You and I may not be doctors, but we can still use our lives to make a difference like Liz.
Liz’s story
Once upon a time, a young girl dreamed of being a doctor. In her dream, she went to college and pursued pre-med classes. She applied to medical schools her senior year, got in, and graduated with her M.D. four years later. Finally, she completed her residency, and achieved her goal.
That’s a straightforward path to becoming a doctor. It wasn’t Liz’s path.
Like the girl in my story, Liz dreamed of being a doctor, but when she got to college, she pursued other interests. It wasn’t until two years after she graduated that her old dream pulled her to pursue pre-med classes. When she was ready to apply to medical schools, her path veered from the expected again. Shortly before applying, she learned about the doctor of osteopathy degree. The holistic approach appealed to her, so she applied to schools where she could earn a D.O.
Liz helped fund her medical education with a scholarship that required her to work with an underserved population for a while. After her residency, she was a physician for an immigrant detention center. As she worked with immigrants, she learned from them. One thing she learned? Many of them hadn’t wanted to leave their home countries. They felt that they had no choice. Their stories inspired her to go to South America after her time at the detention center. She planned to use her skills to do community health and development work, hoping to improve the situation in countries that people were fleeing.
Unfortunately, during the time she was there the program she was working with didn’t seem to be making a difference. When she was given the opportunity to do similar work with Medical Ambassadors Haiti, she took it. Her initial plan was to stay only a little while, but the program impressed her. She lived in Haiti for three years, leaving only because she needed to renew her certification in the United States in order to remain a licensed physician.
After renewing her certification, Liz again chose the less traditional path: She pursued a fellowship as a hospitalist (more or less like your primary care provider, only instead of working in a clinic, she works exclusively with hospital patients). This relatively new medical specialty allows her to serve people doing the kind of work she loves best.
What we can learn from Liz
You don’t have to have important credentials to make a difference.
The public health work that Liz did in Haiti did not require an advanced degree. “You bring whatever expertise you have to the work,” she explained. “Few of the Haitian volunteers have college degrees. Over half haven’t completed high school, and they do excellent, life-changing work.” The most important quality in a volunteer is simply a desire to help others.
When you’re looking for an organization to work with, look for one that you think will be effective.
Whether you want to work with an organization full-time or simply want to volunteer, look for evidence of its effectiveness. If the organization is well-established, what has it accomplished? Does it seem to be flourishing, or is it dying? Take a look at its plans for the future. Based on your knowledge, do these plans seem to be well-grounded? If you don’t feel qualified to judge, do you know anyone who can help you determine the organization’s potential for future success?
Consider focusing your efforts on the root of a problem.
Liz moved overseas because she wanted to help immigrants by making the situation in their home countries better so that people might not feel forced to leave. The world needs people who are willing to help those who are already in difficult situations. But it’s also important to work toward preventing those situations in the first place.
Be mindful of people who might be lonely during holidays.
Liz is single, and her work often keeps her far from family during holiday celebrations. She always appreciates invitations to holiday gatherings, even though she sometimes says “no.” She told me that she prefers specific invitations, such as “We’re having dinner at 6 on Thanksgiving. Would you join us?” instead of a less direct approach like “Do you have plans for Thanksgiving?”
While this is not a good year to bring lots of people into our homes for a holiday dinner, we can think of creative ways to connect with people who are alone right now and plan to extend invitations to gatherings in the future.
Appreciate what you have.
She also noted that it can be hard for her to hear people who are generally happy with their lives jokingly complain about things that aren’t particularly important. As an example (mine, not hers), suppose that, outside of this pandemic, you always have Thanksgiving with Uncle Mel. You really don’t think he’s a bad guy but annually post “Time to hear Uncle Mel sing ‘Over the River and Through the Woods’ again [eye-roll emoji].” That can be hard to read for people who’d give a lot to have Thanksgiving with Uncle Mel, bad song and all.
Like me, you may be tempted to exalt certain professionals, such as physicians, telling yourself, “Of course that person can make a difference, but I’m not important like them.” But Liz would tell you that’s not true. Anyone who wants to make a difference can find a way to do so.
Note: This is not a Christian blog, but it is a blog written by a Christian. Occasionally, such as in this post, my faith comes up, because it is central to who I am. Because peacemaking is important to many people of different faiths or no faith,I hope that, no matter what you believe, you will find this post helps you in your quest to make a difference.
I’ll be honest. Some things I want to write about in relation to making a difference are really difficult to address these days, because things seem to be happening so fast that anything I write could be outdated the day after I write it. In fact, I had already started this post when 13 men were arrested for plotting to kidnap Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer. Since then, President Trump has held a rally in Michigan, where instead of discouraging people who were chanting, “Lock her [Whitmer] up,” he simply responded, “Lock ’em all up.”
Nevertheless, with the election looming, I want to address the tension so many of us are feeling.
It feels like the country is tearing apart. Some people are preparing for violence; after the first presidential debate, one neo-Nazi wrote, “He is telling people to stand by. As in: Get ready for war.” And there have already been acts of violence on both the right and the left: This summer there were multiple incidents of people ramming their vehicles into Black Lives Matter protesters, and a left-wing protester shot and killed a Trump supporter.
Let’s embrace the radical act of peacemaking.
I understand why most of us, myself included, have strong feelings right now. Fortunately, I have forces that pull against my anger and dismay at “those people.” One of those forces is exerted by Preemptive Love Coalition, which I wrote about in an earlier blog post. In a Facebook post on September 29, they wrote:
We can hunker down in our echo chambers, listening only to those who think like us, demonizing everyone else. We can stay silent, refuse to engage, declare that politics really isn’t our thing—a luxury or privilege afforded only to those whose lives have never hung in the balance.
We’ve seen the violence that lies at the end of that road. In Iraq, Syria, Venezuela… and yes, it can happen where any of us live, too.
But we’ve also seen what happens when we choose a different road. When we seek out those who view the world differently than we do. When we relentlessly humanize everyone.
Let’s make that our story. When the world is scary as hell, #loveanyway.
– Preemptive Love Coalition
Another force is my faith in a God who calls us to peacemaking. The kingdom of God described in both Isaiah 2 and Micah 4 is one in which swords are beaten into plowshares and spears into pruning hooks. In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus says, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.” In Paul’s letter to the Galatians, he lists peace as one of the fruits of God’s Spirit.
I also don’t think that violence will accomplish anything beyond splitting the United States further apart. It’s merely throwing gasoline on the fire that’s already burning. If we’re going to move forward, we have to end the divisiveness and actually start talking with each other.
We must commit to peace.
I think most Americans have no desire to commit acts of violence, and I doubt many of us have the power to change the minds of those who wish to start a civil war. But if we commit to peacemaking, we may be able to keep extremists from recruiting others.
What can we do?
We can stop “othering” people.
I understand the temptation to lump people into groups and to allow certain groups to anger us. When I pass houses with political signs I strongly disagree with, I do not think kindly about the people who put up the signs. But I need to separate the people from their ideology. I can and do strongly disagree with them, but I should remember that they are real people with real problems. They experience joy and sorrow. They have dreams. And they love and are loved. Just like me.
If we only hang around folks like us, we’re only going to hear one point of view. Exposing ourselves to a diversity of people and opinions isn’t easy. We need to leave our comfort zones and be willing to allow others to challenge our beliefs. But we will be better people for it.
We can start listening and talking.
How often do we avoid the forbidden topics of politics and religion, because discussing them just isn’t polite? Indeed, fighting about these things isn’t good for relationships between friends and family, but if we can’t talk about them, we’ll never be able to bridge our differences. It’s difficult and will take a lot of practice, but if we listen to try to understand the other person, and if we talk not to argue someone around to our point of view but to explain where we’re coming from, we may be able to ease the divisions in our country.
We can be willing to cut others a lot of slack if they’re willing to talk with us.
If you and I are very different in terms of background and/or point of view, we are probably going to step on each other’s toes if we start talking about the hard things with each other. The best way to move forward is to forgive each other, again and again, when we do that. It doesn’t mean we can’t speak up and say, “Hey, what you said just now was hurtful. Do you mind if I explain why?” But we shouldn’t immediately assume that the other person deliberately said something offensive. I know from experience that I’ve unintentionally made hurtful comments, and I’m grateful for the times I’ve been gently corrected, instead of being automatically cut off.
We can take a stand against inequity.
Injustice, inequality, and threats to democracy breed violence. As the saying goes, “If you want peace, work for justice.” This isn’t a threat. It’s a truth. Some of the violence after George Floyd’s death came from opportunists who wanted to incite a civil war or hurt Black Lives Matter protestors, but some of it came from people who are fed up with empty promises. If I call for peace but refuse to work for justice, my desire for peace is empty and self-serving.
We can engage in civil disobedience to fight authoritarianism.
As this piece from The Guardian notes, authoritarianism reduces politics “to a question of friends and enemies, us and them.” The authors go on to claim that unarmed civil resistance is “twice as effective as armed struggle.” Rather than embracing the idea of violent action, we need to continue to engage in actions ranging from protests to boycotts. If we participate in organized, peaceful resistance against those who would wield power through intimidation, we will eventually win.
You’ve been hearing this a lot lately, because it’s true: We’re anxious and depressed. The pandemic, economic worries, political divisions, inequities… it’s all too much.
Thankfully, the human urge to create gives us a release valve.
The arts: Good for what ails you
Before I go any further, I want to define what I mean when I say “the arts.” I believe we need to be very generous in our definition of art to avoid snobbishness and exclusion. I’m not going to declare myself an authority and draw a line between classical music and popular music, between the paintings you see in museums and the illustrations you find in books, between The Seventh Seal and Get Out. I’m putting all music, visual art, theater and film, fiction, poetry, and dance in the same bucket: the arts.
Now that that’s out of the way, here’s why I believe this broad category — the arts — is so important now.
The arts can comfort us.
In the past few months, how often have you turned to music or a good book or a favorite movie to escape from reality for a while? While we absolutely need to engage with the difficulties that are facing us, there’s nothing wrong with giving ourselves a break as we need it. And it’s far healthier to escape through a good book than it is through one too many drinks.
But turning to art is not merely escaping for a while. Good art speaks to us, almost as if the creator were holding our hands and gazing into our eyes. This recently hit home for me when I read Mary Oliver’s poem “Franz Marc’s Blue Horses.” In the poem, the horses in the painting come alive, and the poet enjoys their presence. She writes:
I do not know how to thank you, Franz Marc. Maybe our world will grow kinder eventually. Maybe the desire to make something beautiful is the piece of God that is inside each of us.
“Franz Marc’s Blue Horses” by Mary Oliver
So Franz Marc’s painting brings a kind of comfort to Oliver, and she brings comfort to me through her poem.
There is still another odd sort of comfort that some people find through the arts — the comfort of experiencing the darkness through the eyes of an artist. This isn’t for everyone, but there’s a reason why many people picked up Albert Camus’ The Plague this year. In fact, some people with anxiety find horror movies comforting.
This sort of comfort through horror and dystopian fiction leads me to another reason we particularly need the arts now.
The arts give us a healthy way to vent our feelings.
When I was a moody teenager, I took great delight in playing Robert Schumann’s “First Loss” with as much pathos as I could muster. The world weighs heavily upon you when you are a teen. In adulthood, when I’m wrestling with a frustration, I’ll sit down and write fiction. It’s pretty bad fiction, but its purpose is primarily a way for me to vent and only secondarily a way to improve as a writer.
People have used creative expression to channel their feelings for thousands of years. We pen lyrics with thinly disguised political commentaries. We pour our anxiety into a dramatic painting. We find a sense of release through artistic creation or performance.
The Scream by Edvard Munch
What does all this have to do with making a difference?
Because art feeds the soul, we need to do what we can to support creators and creativity.
When possible, we should support the arts financially.
People are struggling financially, and discretionary items, like donations to arts organizations or book purchases, are often the first things we cut from our budgets. (Although there are people like Erasmus who say, “When I get a little money, I buy books; if any is left, I buy food and clothes.”)
But if you do have the money, consider making a donation to a museum or performing arts organization and/or supporting an artist by buying their work or even giving monthly donations through a platform like Patreon.
And please don’t pirate their work or ask a creator to give you some of their work “for exposure.” Like all of us, creators have bills to pay, and even if they have a “day job” (many do), they still deserve to be paid for their work.
This doesn’t mean you can’t access art for free. Use the library. Visit a museum’s website. Attend a free virtual concert. Just make sure you’re accessing the art legally.
Like an artist’s work? Let others know!
Give someone a positive review online. Recommend them to someone who says, “I’m looking for a musician/illustrator/etc.” If you can legally share their work with a wider audience, do it! I love this hopeful story about singer Reymar Perdomo, who wrote a heartfelt song about having to leave Venezuela and who has begun to acquire a following thanks in part to a viral video.
Make artistic expression a regular part of your life.
It doesn’t matter if you can make a living from your art. It doesn’t even matter if you’re good at it. Express yourself through the arts for your own sake. And if you are talented, share your work with others in some way. You’ll experience the joy of creating something beautiful and give joy to others who get to read, view, or listen to your creation.
Olivia enjoyed baking cookies with Grandma in the family’s pristine white kitchen, so she practiced physical distancing when she was out to keep Grandma safe.
Despite that, we seem to be itching to get back to normal.
Some of our push to gather with others is because we’re tired of this odd way of life. But an interesting article in the Washington Post noted that many of us are also going through a form of exposure therapy. Every time we successfully go out without becoming ill, it helps us feel more comfortable with the threat of the pandemic, no matter what the statistics are.
This would be fine if our choices only affected us. I believe that many people think that way: “I’m willing to take a risk.”
But that risk could affect those around us. There is no guarantee we will know if we get the virus. We could spread it accidentally. We could hurt strangers… and our loved ones.
COVID-19 is not just something that kills the old
Early on in this pandemic, some leaders were urging people in high-risk groups to sacrifice themselves for the greater good, believing that the coronavirus only really hurts the old and those who are immunocompromised. Worse, their statements suggested that people who are in those categories are expendable.
Beyond its callousness, this point of view gives us a false picture of the virus. Yes, many of the people who are dying are over 70. But we cannot count on our kids being safe. In one family of five, four members contracted the virus. The parents both had light cases, one of their children “never even got it,” and two, both teens, were hospitalized for a month.
This leads me to another concern about the way we view the virus. We tend to focus on the two possible outcomes for those who get COVID-19:
You get it, and you die.
You get it, and you survive.
But dying from COVID-19 can be a horrible way to die. And surviving isn’t that simple. The two teenaged boys whose story I mentioned above are now in recovery and undergoing therapy. One boy mentioned that he lost 50 pounds. In his words, he woke up “a skinny, weak kid.” The other boy recited a list of the therapy he now needs: “Physical therapy, occupational therapy, speech therapy.”
Two children, both hospitalized for a month, both needing extensive therapy to recovery. How will this affect the family financially? How many families or individuals who are hospitalized with COVID-19 will face bills they cannot afford?
There are also survivors who still suffer from symptoms like fatigue or fever. How long will they continue to feel sick? If they catch something else, like a flu, what will that do to their weakened bodies?
What we can do to help
For the sake of strangers as well as those we know and love, we need to continue to take the pandemic seriously and stop expecting things to improve on our own time schedules.
We already know many of the ways we can help others. It’s time to get over politicizing masks and just wear them, even if they aren’t very comfortable, because they help. We need to maintain physical distance from others and avoid large crowds. And we need to wash our hands thoroughly and often.
But we also need to be thoughtful as we make decisions about what risks to take. When possible, we should rely on data to make those decisions. Unfortunately, it’s difficult to find data that are easy to access and interpret. The best data source I found was this set of charts and maps showing trends in the number of cases in each state. If you are thinking of driving to visit family in another state and cases have been trending downward in each state for at least 14 days, you may feel safe about paying the visit, but if cases are growing in either state, you might delay that trip. Of course, this information depends on testing and accurate reporting from each state.
A second consideration is: What is your COVID-19 risk? There is a tool by Mathematica that will calculate your risk based on where you live, your age, pre-existing conditions, how many people you and your family are in close contact with each week, whether or not you diligently wash your hands, and if you wear PPE consistent with CDC guidelines (that last bit is odd, because the guidelines are for healthcare workers — I certainly don’t wear gloves, a gown, or a respirator).
In the United States, we’ve lived with COVID-19 for approximately six months now. It’s easy to relax our vigilance as we get used to the potential dangers, but we need to stay the course.
Note: I’m changing the frequency of my posts
When I started this blog, I was posting twice a week. That was an unsustainable pace.
Once a week has worked better for me, but I’m still feeling a bit of a time crunch. I tend to put off writing about topics that will require a lot of research in favor of posts that take me less time to pull together. In addition, my blogging time is eating into time I could devote to other writing projects.
So I’m going to try posting every other week for a while and see how that works. Hopefully freeing up some time means that I’ll be able to announce a new e-book this fall!
Not long after I started this blog, I encouraged readers to donate blood. I stand by that post. If you are able to donate blood, it is a relatively easy and very important way to make a difference.
But if you’re already a blood donor, consider moving from whole blood to platelet donations.
Why?
A platelet donation provides several times more platelets than a whole blood donation — an important benefit for people who particularly need platelets, including cancer patients and people who have experienced serious injuries.
Platelet donors can donate up to 24 times per year. Whole blood donors have to wait 56 days between appointments.
Platelets have a very short shelf life (only five days, versus 35 days for whole blood), so there is a constant need for them.
While the American Red Cross only lets you donate plasma 13 times a year, you can sometimes combine your platelet donation with a plasma donation.
What’s donating like?
If you haven’t donated platelets but are open to considering it, my story may help you make the leap. I’m giving you the unvarnished truth, because I think it’s important for you to know all of the pros and cons before you make the decision to donate.
The Red Cross calls…
Whenever I gave blood at my local American Red Cross blood donation center, I had noticed the platelet donors across the room. These people, covered in blankets and watching television, seemed so much more committed than I was. I wondered what it would be like give a platelet donation, but it always seemed like such a big step.
Then, mere weeks after I gave a blood donation in late February, I got a call from the Red Cross. My first thought was, “Oh, no! They’ve detected the coronavirus in my blood sample.” When, instead, they told me they were calling to see if I could make a platelet donation, I said, “Oh, but I just gave blood.”
They informed me that I could donate platelets soon after a blood donation, and before I knew what I was doing, I’d made an appointment.
My first donation
My first donation didn’t go smoothly, though it wasn’t horrible. Most platelet donors give from one arm and get most of the components of their blood back in the other arm. First a needle is inserted into your “receiving” arm, and they start giving you saline fluid. The person who got me started may have been new. Whatever the reason, she picked my left arm, which I normally don’t use for donating blood, to be my “receiving” arm. Every time she started the saline up, I complained that it was stinging. She brought in a more experienced person who switched my receiving arm. That put an end to the stinging, but I had a nasty bruise. The staff also put a heating pad on that arm, which factored into a later difficulty.
For some time after the donation started, I was fine. But after a while, my lips started to tingle. This is a common reaction to a citrate solution that you receive as you get your blood back. Calcium can fix the problem, so they gave me Tums. Later my left arm started to cramp. I wanted to move it, but the heating pad made it impossible. Not long after that started bothering me, I felt the need to go to the bathroom. I toughed it out as long as I could, but in the end the discomfort got to the point where we ended my donation about 10 minutes early.
All in all, it wasn’t a great beginning, but that didn’t discourage me from wanting to try again. I didn’t have any serious issues; I just experienced some physical discomfort. When I described the experience to members of a Facebook group for platelet donors, I got some good advice (which I’ll share below) and was ready to give it another go.
My second and third attempts
Feeling ready to set up a second appointment, I called the American Red Cross, left a message, and, after they called me back a day or two later, was scheduled to donate again.
When I showed up for my appointment, they scanned my forehead with an infrared thermometer (something the Red Cross has put into place due to the pandemic). They told me my temperature was too high (99.6) and sent me home. At home I took my temperature with an oral thermometer, got a completely normal result (98.6), and felt thoroughly disgruntled. The folks in the platelet donor group suggested blasting the air conditioner on my car on the way there and requesting an oral thermometer if I was told my temperature was too high again.
I scheduled another appointment. This time they took my temperature first with the infrared scanner and then with an oral thermometer. I didn’t even have to ask. I passed that hurdle and figured I was home free. Alas. My hemoglobin was too low, which does happen to me sometimes, and I was sent home again. When the Red Cross called me for yet another appointment, I crossed my fingers, scheduled the appointment, and… was allowed to donate!
Success!
My second donation was much better. I was hooked up again to give from my left arm and receive blood back in my right arm. There was very little bruising. I had loaded up on calcium prior to the donation, and while my lips still tingled a little and I accepted Tums when they were offered to me partway through the process, I found I was much more comfortable than I had been the first time. There was no heating pad on either of my arms, so when I found my left arm was getting a little uncomfortable again, I was able to shift it just enough to be okay. And I went to the bathroom just before climbing into the donation chair, so we didn’t have to end the donation early!
After two successful attempts, do I find donating platelets as easy as donating blood? No. But it’s not a bad experience, and it’s rewarding to know that I’m making a difference. Plus I get to watch TV for a couple of hours and have a snack afterwards. It’s the little things.
Here’s what to expect, step-by-step
Some of the information I share here is specific to the pandemic, but most of it is not.
Before your appointment
Before your appointment, you will receive an email message with an invitation to use Rapid Pass. I encourage you to do it if at all possible. Rapid Pass will speed up your time in the donation center. You will be asked to review some pre-donation information, including eligibility criteria. You then will be asked a series of questions that are used to determine your eligibility. Once you have completed the required reading and the questionnaire (which doesn’t take long), you can send a bar code to your phone or print it out to take into the donation center.
First steps at the donation center
When you arrive at the blood donation center, you will need to wear a mask. You will be greeted just inside the door by a volunteer who will take your temperature. If you pass that hurdle, they will confirm your appointment. It helps to have a blood donor card that they can scan. If you need to type anything into one of their computers, they will ask you to sanitize your hands first. I automatically use the hand sanitizer anyway as soon as I’ve entered the building.
Once your appointment is confirmed, you will be sent to a waiting area with chairs that are six feet apart.
Someone will call you and usher you into a small room. They may weigh you (this happened for the first time at my most recent appointment). They will confirm your name, date of birth, and address. They’ll take your pulse and blood pressure and then will stick your finger and check your hemoglobin level. They will ask to see the insides of your arms. If you pass all of these hurdles, they will ask if you have a Rapid Pass. If you do, they may ask you a question to clarify something, and then you will read a consent form, sign it, and be ready to donate. They may ask you if you are willing to donate a unit of plasma along with your platelets. I gave plasma during my second donation and didn’t make the slightest difference in my experience.
The donation
Be sure to take advantage of the opportunity to use the facilities before you get hooked up.
Once you are settled into your donation chair, they will make sure you are comfortable, help you get set up to watch something (our donation center has a bunch of DVDs as well as Netflix and some other streaming options), and then insert the needles: first the one in your receiving arm, and then the one in your giving arm. They’ll take blood samples for testing, and then your donation will begin.
You will sit for a long time. I made it through almost two one-hour episodes of The Witcher. Someone will occasionally stop by to see if you are warm enough and if you need Tums. Of course, if you have another need (like the need to shift an arm pinned down by a heating pad), that’s the time to speak up.
After the donation
At the end of your donation, they will take the needles out one at a time, placing a cotton ball and tape over the needle site, and then putting a wrap over that. They will instruct you to remove the wrap bandage in an hour and to clean your arm with soap and water. You should keep the cotton ball and tape on for about six more hours. I’ve found that sometimes when I remove that after the six hours are up, I ooze just a little blood, so I have a small bandage ready in case that happens.
You will be encouraged to sit in the canteen for a while and have a snack before going home. My donation center has spaced tables and chairs at least six feet apart for the time being.
My last donation took approximately two hours and 15 minutes from the time I stepped through the door to the time I walked out of the canteen.
Make your donation easier with these tips and tricks
If you tend to have low hemoglobin levels, take supplements and eat high-iron foods prior to your donation. This can make a difference between a successful donation and being turned away.
Load up on calcium before the appointment. Platelet donors on Facebook advised me to start taking Tums a few days before the donation, including just before I left home to donate, and to have a milkshake the night before. (What a great excuse for a milkshake!) Unfortunately, calcium hinders iron-absorption, so don’t take iron with calcium or have your milkshake with a hamburger.
Drink plenty of fluids before and after your donation, but stop drinking fluids two hours before the donation, and don’t have any caffeinated beverages the morning of your donation.
Check to see if you need to bring a blanket. My local donation center has told me that they are limiting blankets to one per person, although last time they put two heated blankets on me — one on each arm — in addition to my own blanket.
Your donation center should have sterilized headphones for you, but if you’d prefer to bring your own, don’t forget to pack those.
Dress warmly. I admit I run cold, but most people seem to get chilly when lying around for nearly two hours donating.
Speak up if you’re uncomfortable. If I’d mentioned my arm cramps during my first appointment, someone could have helped me.
Plan not to do any heavy lifting after your donation. Don’t promise someone you’ll help them move or put off your strength training until the evening!
What else can I do if I don’t want to give platelets?
Not everyone who is eligible to donate blood can or wants to give platelets, and that’s a good thing. There is always a need for other blood components including, of course, whole blood. Here are some of the ways you can help:
Make a whole blood donation. This can be used as is or separated into its components.
Make a Power Red donation. This donation allows you to give more red blood cells, the most frequently used component of whole blood donations. Power Red donations take a little longer than a whole blood donation but less time than a platelet donation. You can only make Power Red donations three times a year. Weight requirements for donors, particularly female donors, are higher than they are for other types of donations, and there are height requirements, too.
If you are type AB, make an AB Elite plasma donation. AB plasma can be given to people of any blood type and is highly in demand. AB Elite donors can give 13 times a year. Your donation will take only slightly longer than a whole blood donation.
If you have recovered from COVID-19, consider donating plasma to help those who are very sick.
Do you use music for inspiration or to pump yourself up for something? I do.
Here’s a playlist to inspire and encourage you as you work to make a difference in the world. It includes songs that can spur self-reflection and music that can help you feel more powerful and ready to tackle difficult problems. Take the ones that resonate with you and add your own favorites to create a playlist to listen to as often you need it.
Beds Are Burning – Midnight Oil
“How do we sleep while our beds are burning?”
Midnight Oil wrote this song to protest white Australians’ treatment of Aboriginal Australians. Although this song is about something very specific that may seem far-removed from your life, the chorus speaks to any injustice we may feel called to confront.
Big Yellow Taxi – Joni Mitchell
“Don’t it always seem to go That you don’t know what you’ve got ‘Til it’s gone? They paved paradise, Put up a parking lot.”
Here’s a song to inspire us to appreciate and protect what we have — particularly the beauty of nature.
Boys Will Be Boys – Dua Lipa
“If you’re offended by this song Then you’re probably sayin’: ‘…Boys will be boys.'”
This song also addresses a specific issue: sexual harassment.
“Boys Will Be Boys” brings out a lot of emotions when I listen to it. I think about how I had to change my route to and from my junior high school not once but twice due to sexual harassment, and I’m angry at myself for just accepting that as reality. I also think about how betrayed I felt when someone told me that he’d purchased this shirt as a statement against people who were upset when a space scientist wore the shirt to work. It may be “just a shirt,” but it’s beyond me how anyone could think it is work-appropriate. I know I would have felt very uncomfortable interacting — as a peer, a supervisor, or a direct report — with anyone wearing it.
When will we stop saying “boys will be boys?”
Hammer and a Nail – Indigo Girls
“A distant nation my community, A street person my responsibility. If I have a care in the world, I have a gift to bring.”
This song presents us with a clear call to action: We cannot simply focus on our own lives or spend all of our time thinking about problems without doing something about them. We must act.
Is She With You? – Hans Zimmer
I could have chosen any of a number of songs instead of this one. Simply put, if you have a favorite movie (or television) superhero, one you think is kickass, pick a song that represents that hero, and add it to your playlist for those times when you need to feel a little more powerful. This is Wonder Woman’s theme song, first appearing in Batman v. Superman. I could have just as easily picked Fox and Gimbel’s “Wonder Woman” or The Avengers theme by Alan Silvestri, among many “superhero” themes. What, if anything, would you choose?
Living for the City – Stevie Wonder
“I hope you hear inside my voice of sorrow And that it motivates you to make a better tomorrow.”
Stevie Wonder’s 1973 classic “Living for the City” explores racism that we still need to address decades later.
Love… Thy Will Be Done – Martika
“No longer can I resist your guiding light, That gives me the power to keep up the fight.”
This song, written by Prince, is clearly religious and could be read solely in terms of “Have your way with me, God.” But what if “thy will be done” calls us to some sort of action?
Man in Black – Johnny Cash
“Oh, I’d love to wear a rainbow every day And tell the world that everything’s O.K. But I’ll try to carry off a little darkness on my back. ‘Til things are brighter, I’m the man in black.”
Sometimes I hear someone talking about harsh realities and calling us to make a change, and I think, “That’s a prophetic voice.” The prophetic spirit is less about the future than it is about speaking hard truths concerning the present. What truth must we tell today?
Pastures of Plenty – Solas
“California, Arizona, I’ve worked on your crops, And northward up to Oregon to gather your hops, I’ve dug beets from the ground, I’ve cut grapes from the vine To set on your table that white sparkling wine.”
This lively cover of a Woody Guthrie song always forces me to stop and think about the cheap labor I benefit from. If I can keep that in mind, then I can vote and act in ways that place greater value on the work of others.
Proud – Heather Small
“What have you done today to make you feel proud?”
This is another song that isn’t directly about making a difference, but it can be used as inspiration. While the song can be about any human achievement, if there’s anything that can make a person feel proud, it’s striving for something bigger than oneself.
Stand – Rascal Flatts
“You get mad, you get strong, Wipe your hands, shake it off, Then you stand.”
I confess I don’t have a lot of appreciation for country music, and I’d never heard this song before I decided to write this blog post. But I felt like my original playlist wasn’t long enough, so I started looking for songs about making a difference or feeling strong. In the course of my research, I ran across this one, and it fits the bill. If we want to work toward changing the world, we have learn to get back on our feet when we’d rather just give up.
Notice any similarities between this video and the Indigo Girls video above?
The Trouble With Normal – Bruce Cockburn
“‘It’ll all go back to normal if we put our nation first.’ But the trouble with normal is it always gets worse.”
This song is from 1983. I’ll repeat that: This song is from 1983. It’s eerily applicable to today. Let’s fight to make it sound foreign to our ears.
The Way It Is – Bruce Hornsby & The Range
“That’s just the way it is. Some things will never change. That’s just the way it is. Ah, but don’t you believe them.”
In 1986, Bruce Hornsby reflected on poverty and racism in the U.S. Unfortunately, we still need songs like this.
You Gotta Be – Des’ree
“All I know, all I know Love will save the day.”
This is another song that I’m sure wasn’t written specifically to motivate people to make a difference (except, perhaps, in their own lives), but its lyrics can inspire you to approach problems from a position of strength.
Your Life Is Now – John Mellencamp
“Would you teach your children to tell the truth? Would you take the high road if you could choose? Do you believe you’re a victim of a great compromise? ‘Cause I believe you could change your mind and change our lives.”
What good will you do with this life you have been given?
Yes. the video is weird.
Note: I’m giving myself a mini-vacation and won’t publish a blog post next week. My next post will be on July 27.
Not that long ago, I recommended picking a reasonable number of priorities and letting them guide your decisions.
But what if everything seems urgent?
Suppose you have decided that your priorities are blogging about the climate crisis, raising your children, looking for a new job, finishing the remodeling work you started on your kitchen, and following your doctor’s recommendation to exercise for 30 minutes at least five days a week. That’s a pretty good list.
But you’ve started to get concerned about the upcoming election, and you want to do something to make a difference. Recent news is compelling you to take some sort of action on systemic racism. You received an email from an organization that needs support to fight the coronavirus in the Navajo Nation. And one of your friends seems deeply depressed, which worries you.
It’s all so very urgent.
When it feels like the world’s on fire, where do you even start?
When faced with one urgent matter after another, it can be tempting to try to tackle them all… or to give up and watch Netflix.
Here are some alternative ways to prioritize when you’re feeling overwhelmed.
Adjust your priorities — temporarily or more permanently. When you look at your list of current priorities, are there things you can delete or put off? If you’re unemployed, you almost certainly don’t want to remove your job search from your priority list. But if you are looking because want something different, maybe you can delay the job search for a while in favor of other priorities, such as reaching out to your friend more often.
Separate your time priorities from your financial priorities. Do you have room in your budget for an additional financial contribution? Consider giving to a cause that moves you without including it among the priorities that demand your time and attention. To make it really easy, you can automate your giving if you plan on supporting the cause regularly.
Make a one-time contribution. If you feel that you can’t ignore that urgent appeal, make a one-time donation. Then return to your previously chosen priorities. But by “contribution,” I don’t just mean monetary contributions. Maybe you can’t donate money, but you can take a day to make phone calls to get out the vote. One day of volunteering allows you to respond to an urgent appeal without overhauling your priorities.
Make minimally disruptive changes to your life. Sometimes you can respond to something that moves you without needing to make room for it on your calendar or in your budget. If you’re concerned about racism, maybe you can commit to shopping at some black-owned businesses instead of a couple of chains you normally patronize. You might need to do some research first, but once you have, you can just adjust your shopping habits without changing your current list of priorities.
Just say “no.” None of us can do everything. That’s hard to remember when we are faced with all of the problems that come to our attention each day. There are times when you will need to adjust or add to your priorities, at least temporarily. But most of the time you need to allow your priorities to focus your efforts. Otherwise you’ll spread yourself too thin.
It can be hard to stick to our priorities in the face of troubling news and worthy appeals. But if we combine a commitment to focusing on a few key things with a little flexibility and creativity, we can accomplish far more than we will if we try to take on everything.
Being an introvert has its advantages. I find it easier than many extroverts to avoid mingling with lots of people, though I do miss things like hugging a friend or visiting an art museum.
But after days of staying at home with my family, I feel like climbing the walls. I miss the time when I had more opportunities to be completely alone for a few hours. One day I considered getting ice cream, driving to my favorite park, finding a deserted bench, and enjoying my treat all by myself.
I talked myself out of it, telling myself I didn’t need to spend money that way. Besides, the park I wanted to go to is popular and might be too crowded. And it was more important to get stuff done around the house.
A few days later I told a friend about this, and she replied, “You should have gone.”
She was right. I should have. The ice cream wasn’t important, but when I dismissed my need for alone time, I denied myself an important form of self-care. And if I go long enough without taking care of myself, I become cranky and unpleasant to be around.
I think self-care starts with reflecting on what you need and thinking of ways to meet those needs. The folks who focus on physical health are right: you need good food and plenty of sleep. Likewise, you need to discipline yourself to work toward your goals. But you also may need to do something a little more on the “indulgent side,” like giving your aching feet a massage. Self-care is whatever you need. There are some universal basic human needs, but I can’t tell you what’s missing from your life right now. You’ll need to figure that out yourself.
The heavier life feels, the more you need this.
The more you feel like you don’t have the time or energy for self-care, the more you need it.
For example…
Have you been involved in protests or volunteer efforts lately? You may feel like taking time for yourself is selfish, but it’s important to recharge so that you have the energy to pursue a more just world.
Have you been working from home and caring for your children at the same time? You may feel that you don’t have time to take a break, but you’ll be a better parent and worker for it.
Are you in a job that exposes you to the public and puts you at greater risk of exposure to the coronavirus? Self-care can help you reign in anxiety and refuel after exhausting days.
Are you struggling with depression, barely able to get out of bed each day? Your form of self-care might look more like the self-discipline variety as you set small goals that can help you feel better.
Here are a few ways to integrate self-care into your life:
As I said above, self-care is about meeting your needs, whatever those are. If you haven’t thought about what’s missing from your life right now, take some time to do that. Then figure out realistic ways to meet those needs. If you’re lonely, you might arrange to meet a friend outside for conversation. If you’re a single parent and need some downtime by yourself, you might need to put the kids to bed early once a week and spend the rest of the evening relaxing, instead of doing housework.
Ruthlessly cut back on things. I’m bad at this. I sign up for lots of email lists and then stress out about all the messages in my inbox. I have to force myself to unsubscribe from emails I enjoy. There’s too much good stuff out there. When it becomes a burden, it’s time to remind ourselves that we can’t read (or watch or listen to) all of the good things. We have to let things go. If I cut back too much (unlikely), I can always add things back again.
Control what you see on social media. If you don’t want to unfriend someone on Facebook, you can unfollow them. On Twitter, you can mute people while still following them. You can also hide ads that are upsetting or too tempting. We all have better things to do than get embroiled in arguments that we’re never going to win.
To busy parents: I’m about to say something to you that I hated hearing when I was working full-time and parenting a young child. Lower your standards. I know that you may already feel like your standards are incredibly low. It seemed like I was always reading about how moms should clean less often to make more time for self-care. I wanted to reply, “Come over and see my house, and then tell me if I should clean less often.” If you also feel like your housework standards are already low, and you still don’t have time for self-care, look beyond the obvious ways to lower your standards. If you are married and your kids insist that you are the only person who can put them to bed, be firm and switch off the bedtime routine with your spouse. They’ll get over it, and you’ll have some time that you can use on self-care (not another load of laundry!).
Whatever you do, don’t talk yourself out of self-care. You’ve heard before, and it’s true: You can’t help others if you don’t take care of yourself.
