Category: Make a Difference

Anyone who has daydreamed about adventures in fantastical worlds will relate to the filk song “Rich Fantasy Lives”  by Rob Balder and Tom Smith.

We’re piling up fears, but we’re out of frontiers.
Some need to escape, but there’s nowhere.
Can’t go to the Moon, at least any time soon,
But an inner-space trip costs you no fare.

Life is filled with commutes, meetings, chores, errands, and other things that feel neither exciting nor meaningful. Many of us yearn for something more. And so, we escape into worlds where the Doctor is the only one standing between the Earth and invading aliens, where two ordinary hobbits must journey through Mordor on a quest to save Middle Earth, where Ms. Marvel protects Jersey City from destructive forces.

We Can Harness This Yearning to Do Something Good

If we crave adventure, there are all sorts of ways we can try to fill that hole in hearts. Some people quit their jobs and travel around the world. Others embrace an active lifestyle, spending their evenings and weekends rock climbing, surfing or riding mountain bikes. These are fine things, but if part of your desire for adventure springs from a wish to make a difference, they may not help you toward that goal unless they are tied to charitable activities.

Here are a few ways you can pursue an adventurous life that is also meaningful:

• Devote yourself to a cause. I recently wrote a post about how important it is to think big. If you are particularly concerned about an issue, why not dedicate yourself to tackling it? Read everything you can get your hands on. If you’re able, attend conferences about your pet cause. Follow experts on social media. Ask them questions. Volunteer. Donate. Write letters to politicians. Start a blog. If you start focusing your time, energy and money on something like fighting climate change or helping the homeless, you’ll almost certainly find that your life has become more adventurous.
• Step outside your bubble. If you just want to be a tourist, you can travel all over without leaving your bubble. But if you’re willing to engage with people who aren’t like you and ideas that you’ve never considered, you can have an adventure without ever leaving home.
• Set up a personal quest. How many people can you cheer up with a smile and a friendly word over the course of the day? How many good deeds can you squeeze into one day? What if you decided you will never go through a drive-through again without paying for the person behind you and leaving a generous tip for the person who serves you? What if you did something crazy, like dressing up as a superhero and visiting children in the hospital?
• Think of ways to bring bits of your daydreams into real life in order to do good. Wish you were the Doctor? One of the Doctor’s many wonderful qualities is the way s/he relates to people as individuals. How many times have you heard the Doctor ask someone — with genuine interest — “What’s your name?” Bring that practice into your own life. Yes, this is a far cry for actually having a TARDIS and traveling anywhere in time and space, but if you emulate your heroes in whatever ways you can, you may find you’re a little more satisfied with your life.

All the personal quests in the world may not stop you from wishing you’d receive a letter from Hogwarts one day, and that’s okay. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with escaping into a fantasy world for a while through books or videos or games or daydreams. But if you’re yearning for adventure, why not see how you can use that desire to change yourself and the world for the better?

Note: I’m taking a break from the blog. The next post will be on Monday, February 18, 2019.

 

We all experience pain of some sort. A relationship goes south. A government shutdown cuts off your family’s source of income for weeks. The doctor sits you down to give you bad news. Someone you love is depressed, and it’s tearing you apart, because you can’t fix it for them. Or you’re the one who’s depressed, and the meds aren’t working. A complete stranger looked at you with pure hatred and uttered an unforgivable word, because you are [a person of color, gay, homeless…].

I want to make this clear: You have every right to feel your feelings. You aren’t a bad person for suffering. It’s part of the human condition. And if you’ve been taught that it’s wrong to feel sad or angry, I have one bit of advice: Read the Psalms. I believe in a God who created humans with a wide range of emotions. Our emotions aren’t bad; it’s what we do with them that counts.

This post is about what we do with our emotions. It’s perfectly okay to feel them. But if we want to make a difference in the world, we can not only feel our emotions but also transform our pain into something good for someone else.

• Pain can give us empathy. You don’t need to go through a painful situation to feel empathy for others, but it helps. That said, if that pain is in your past, it’s important to keep in mind that your past doesn’t make you an expert in someone’s current situation. My first year out of college, I was poor. I qualified for food stamps, though I didn’t realize that until after the fact. Within a couple of years, I was much more financially secure, but I don’t pretend that because I escaped poverty with relative ease, everyone else can, too. I was raised in an upper-middle class family and could have run home to my parents. And I had lots of advantages that others don’t have, like an expensive college education. I can empathize with people who are struggling to make ends meet and failing, but I’d be a fool if I thought I could “fix” them based on my experience.
• We can reflect on what would have been helpful — or what was actually helpful — and extend that help to others. I’ve written about how I try to bring others freezer meals, because when I was a new mother, it would have made my day if someone had given us a meal. In a similar vein, I remember when I was going through a bit of teenage heartbreak over a boy who asked someone else to prom. My sister went out to dinner with me on prom night, and I had a wonderful time with her. It didn’t completely take away the heartache, but it was a bright spot in a time that felt dark to me. How can I do that for someone else?
• We can channel our feelings into something good. Some great nonprofits have benefited from the dismay many people feel over the current political situation in the United States. Many other people chose to run for office… and won. Places of worship have started asking: What can we do to serve refugees? Outrage, fear, sorrow — it’s okay to feel all of these things, but we also can use those feelings to work toward changing things.

If you’re hurting, doing these things won’t magically fix your pain, though they might ease it. But they are ways to transform your pain into something that can help other hurting people. Since we all suffer, let’s use our suffering to accomplish something good.

 

Small Things Are a Big Deal

Most of my posts about making a difference are about small, achievable ways you can help change the world. Whether it’s taking pictures of your hotel room in order to fight human trafficking or honoring your commitments, small things really matter. A year ago I recommended going easy on yourself, because I believe in the value of things such as cutting back and focusing on growth rather than perfection.

Over the course of your life, you may accomplish big things, but you will accomplish far more small things. In fact, small things may be all you accomplish. But that’s not something to fret about. Small things really can make a difference. Think about things that have touched your life. Odds are, they were small. Maybe someone treated you like you really mattered at a time when you were questioning your worth. Maybe a friend or family member got you the help you needed when you were unable to help yourself. A tiny drip from the roof of a cave builds up over time into astonishing formations. In the same way, little acts of kindness can have an impressive impact.

Small things can be powerful.

But That Doesn’t Mean You Shouldn’t Think Big

That said, I think we should give ourselves permission to think big. Although plenty of people will tell you to dream big, others say that big dreams are dangerous, maybe even evil. We’re told that when we set goals, we need to make sure they are realistic and achievable within a certain time frame. We’re told that we can’t change the world, we can only change ourselves, and that accordingly, we should keep our expectations in check. I’ve even run across an excellent blog post by someone who has come to the conclusion that when people try to change the world, they may be putting themselves in the place of God.

On the one hand, each and every one of these people has a point. If I expect to establish world peace over the next year, I’m going to fail. And it’s important for any of us who want to change the world to approach the issues that concern us with humility and a sense of our human limitations. It’s also important to acknowledge that there will always be plenty of evil in the world. We may be able to change the world, but you and I are not going to save the world.

On the other hand, I’m glad that some of my heroes, such as William Wilberforce, didn’t listen to advice like that.

My recent reading has included a biography of Wilberforce, which I may review in a future post. Wilberforce played a major role in abolishing the British slave trade. He didn’t think small, nor did he worry that he was trying to be god-like by judging slavery as wrong and working toward abolition. He didn’t say, “Well, I can’t change the world; I’ll just focus on changing myself.” Instead, year after year, for decades, he used his position as a member of parliament to try to outlaw the slave trade. He was not a fan of the camp that promoted abolishing slave trade “gradually” — an “achievable” goal. He saw that for what it was: kicking the can down the road. His faith in God and his belief that slavery was evil moved him to attempt to achieve an audacious goal. And for the most part, he achieved it.

But Wilberforce did not completely achieve his goal, and he did, in fact, break things down into (somewhat) smaller, more “achievable,” steps. Ultimately, he wanted to see slavery abolished, but he felt that it would be easier to outlaw the slave trade first. He accomplished his initial goal, but he wasn’t able to oversee the abolition of slavery; instead, he was presented with additional problems to tackle. British colonies were continuing to receive illegal supplies of slaves, so he had to fight to make sure the new law was enforced. And because other nations were still engaging in the slave trade, he spent years pushing for treaties that required these nations to abolish the practice. The British act abolishing slavery was passed eight years after Wilberforce retired, right around the time of his death.

In light of all this, and given the fact that slavery still exists (illegally) in the world today, you could argue that Wilberforce ultimately accomplished very little. But I believe that people like Wilberforce, who refuse to think small, really do make a big difference. If not for Wilberforce and other abolitionists, where would we be today? Slavery may still exist, but at least it’s illegal!

Wilberforce bit off more than he could chew. Each year he tried to succeed at something that took decades to accomplish, and even then, the work wasn’t done. But what he and others like him did was more than most people will manage to accomplish, all because they pursued big dreams of a better world.

So by all means, think small. Most of us will never be another Wilberforce…  and even if you or I manage to make a huge impact on the world, we should never neglect the many things we can accomplish through small actions.

But if you feel moved to tackle some great evil in the world, it’s okay to think big! There are no guarantees that you will accomplish what you set out to do. You’ll need to be prepared to persevere in the face of discouragement, year after year after year. You’ll need to work with others, including people who are younger than you, so they can take the reins from you when you’re gone. And you’ll need to realize that a victory is not the end, because there will always be problems that bubble up. But the world needs people who think big and attempt the impossible. Don’t be afraid to join them.

This is one of those posts I didn’t plan, but after watching my child go through a miserable weekend recently, I felt the urge to step on my soapbox and talk about the need to follow through on plans. I’m not doing this to try to get through to her friends (who almost certainly don’t read my blog anyway). That would be a ridiculous, indirect way of approaching a problem that isn’t really my problem. I am doing this because keeping our commitments is a real, achievable way we can make a difference.

My child’s friends cancel plans frequently. Sometimes, they have valid excuses: My mother made plans for the family and didn’t tell me. I’m not feeling well. (Although the friend who most recently said that has cancelled so many times for different reasons that it’s a difficult excuse to believe.) Other times, the excuses are sort of lame: I didn’t do my homework on Saturday, so I really need to do it today. 

I understand cancelling plans. I’ve done it myself — most recently when I was swamped at work. It was a genuine problem, but did I really have to cancel? I’ll come back to that thought in a minute.

Things happen that force us to cancel plans. Illness, family emergencies… these things happen. But when we change our plans, we often disappoint someone who was looking forward to time with us.

I know people (again, I’ve done this myself), who choose not to commit in order to avoid this problem. My child asked a friend if she wanted to get together on Halloween. The friend said, “I’ll get back to you”… and then didn’t say anything until November 2, when she texted, “Sorry I couldn’t get together with you on Halloween.” Now, I think my kid could have followed up with the noncommittal friend, but a definitive “no” frees a person to make other plans. If you feel uncomfortable saying “no,” refusing to decide might feel kind (I don’t want to hurt his feelings), but it’s not.

I’m going to mention a verse from the New Testament, but bear with me, even if you’re not a Christian. In Matthew 5, Jesus talks about oaths — swearing that you will or will not do something. He tells people not to make oaths; instead, “Let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and  your ‘No,’ ‘No.'” In other words, no more promises; just say what you will or won’t do, and be a person of your word.

What a concept!

I get the need for self-care. I get being tired and overwhelmed. But there’s a better way to do this than cancelling, unless you truly must cancel.

Here’s how you can make a difference in other people’s lives by letting your “yes” be “yes.”

1. When you receive an invitation, give a definitive response as soon as you can. Try not to leave the person hanging. This matters as much for group events, for which the person may need to plan a certain amount of food or make reservations, as it does for hanging out just the two of you.
2. Know yourself. Don’t be overly optimistic and say “yes” to something that will occur during a challenging time. I knew I was going to be very busy at work for a little over a month, and I still said I would attend a book group meeting. I convinced myself I could make it work, but I couldn’t. Instead, when we were scheduling our meeting, I should have said, “I will be working hard between [date] and [date], so I will not attend book group during that time.” While not all crises can be foreseen, if you know that you will be going through a busy season, or if you know that the time someone wants to meet with you will be difficult for you (too many events already on your calendar, for instance), say no.
3. Follow through. Once  you’ve said “yes,” resolve to be a person of your word. Don’t cancel unless you are truly ill or dealing with an emergency. (If you are regularly experiencing emergencies, go back to step 2. Think about the patterns behind the emergencies, and respond to invitations with those patterns in mind.)

Whether or not you are one to make New Year’s resolutions, join me in planning to make 2019 the year that, when you say “yes,” people know they can count on you to be there.

 

I am not a vegetarian, though I limit the amount of meat I consume. I am definitely not a vegan (I love dairy). I tell you this, because what I’m about to say will not be popular with people who love meat.

If you want to make a difference in the world, you really should cut back on meat… particularly beef.

Why?

• Livestock contributes an estimated 14.5% to greenhouse gas emissions. Keep in mind, this includes all livestock raised for all purposes, including wool and dairy production.
• Livestock uses an enormous amount of land. The single greatest portion of U.S. land (654M acres) goes to pasture and range. And land used for livestock feed makes up 127.4M acres of the 391.5M acres of cropland in the U.S. Cattle production is an enormous contributor to deforestation in Brazil (but note that soy is a contributor, too). By the way, if you are interested cage-free, free-range animal products, that requires even more land.
• Livestock contributes to water pollution, particularly if runoff from feedlots is not properly managed.

If the environmental impact of raising livestock isn’t enough to convince you to eat less meat, you might be interested in knowing that many studies, including Dan Buettner’s Blue Zones research, indicate that a plant-based diet is far healthier than one that emphasizes animal products. Eating less meat can save you money, too.

If you love meat, you don’t need to give it up entirely. Just cut down on the amount you eat. Eat some meatless meals every week. Don’t make a big slab of meat the centerpiece of your meal, instead use it more sparingly as just one component of your meal — think pasta, soup, and trendy “bowl” foods. You’ll be doing yourself — and the world — a favor.

While fake news is a serious problem, it’s not new. Social media and bots just make it easier than ever to spread.

I admit that I’ve fallen for fake news before. Roughly 20 years ago, I read an email message about a state legislator in Florida. The source of the message attributed some nasty remarks about the poor to this politician. I looked his office up on the web and sent him an angry email letting him know how wrong I thought he was.

Except he never said such things. I found that out later — not from his office, which probably was deleting email messages from folks like me — but from another source online. I’d fallen victim to fake news, because I failed to do my research.

It’s difficult to adequately research every “news” item that we read, but it’s a good idea to check things out before we take action on them. Here’s how:

• If the news item involves a legislative bill, look up the actual piece of legislation to determine its contents. It’s not a lot of fun, but it can prevent you from forwarding information such as “California is going to ban the Bible!” If you Google the bill in question by its number, you can find its text.
• Don’t trust content just because your friend posts it (that includes me). Check on it yourself. I recently read a post from a friend about a new kind of crime. I passed the warning on to my daughter, noting that I had not fact-checked it. She checked Snopes and told me that the “warning” was obsolete; technological changes had made that type of crime extremely difficult.
• Get your news from multiple reliable sources, ideally including sources that don’t always agree with your point of view. International news organizations can be helpful in providing a different perspective. While you’ll probably develop a favorite source, be certain to supplement it, at least occasionally, with additional sources — especially if you’re researching something.
• If the news item involves a quote, try to find the source. Did someone tweet something? While accounts can be hacked and posts can be deleted, see if you can find the actual tweet. Did someone say something as part of a speech? Try to find what they said in context as provided by a reliable news source. Then you can better judge if the information you are reading is true. By the way, this includes popular quotations. I have occasionally contacted living people to ask if they really said something that was attributed to them (and I’ve received responses!). It’s also a good idea to try to find the original source for quotations attributed to dead people; many quotations are attributed to the wrong person.
• Find scientific studies to back something up. Yes, studies can be flawed, and sometimes scientists provide bad data (of course, just because some do doesn’t mean that all do). But if you can find studies — ideally multiple studies from different sources — backing up a “fact,” then you probably can put some faith in that information. Think about the popular claim that children laugh hundreds of times more every day than adults do. This isn’t based on any sort of scientific research. Someone made the statement, people decided it was true, and the misinformation spread.

We’re all going to fall victim to fake news once in a while. We’ll be in a hurry, read something we’re inclined to believe, and form an opinion based on it (usually the opinion that we were right about “x” all along). We may even act on what we’ve read and pass it on. But when we take the time to research what someone else shares before we pass it along, we can help stop the spread of fake news. As Abraham Lincoln said, “Don’t believe everything you read on the Internet.” 😉

I confess that I like buying groceries for the food shelf, even though I know it isn’t the best way to give. I feel like I’m picking out gifts for someone.

So this post is partially me telling myself what I know I ought to do.

Here’s what I’m telling myself and, if you are like me, you as well:

If you want to make the most impact with your food shelf donation, give money, not food.

Here’s why:

• Your financial donation allows the food shelf to buy what it most needs. Food shelves do offer lists of their most needed food items, but they know best what their needs are at that moment. Money allows them to fill in the gaps.
• Food shelves can get more food per dollar than you can. You probably purchase the food you donate at the grocery store. Food shelves buy their food wholesale.

I could end the post here, because I’ve just told you how to give a more impactful food shelf donation. There is no better way. But…

How to Give Food to the Food Shelf

You may end up giving food to the food shelf anyway.

First of all, if your kid asks you for canned goods for their food drive at school, you probably won’t say, “No, I prefer to give financial donations.” Not when a class pizza party is on the line.

Like me, you also may feel more motivated when you do the shopping yourself. I’m saying to you and to myself, “Stop that! You’ll have more impact if you give money!” But if it makes the difference between giving and not giving, then go ahead and give food. Giving something is better than giving nothing.

The “Don’t” List

We’ll start with what not to do:

• Okay, I have pulled canned goods from my own shelves when my kid needed something to take to school and I didn’t have the time to run out to the grocery store. In general, it’s best not to do this, but if you find yourself in a similar situation, give one of your newer canned goods. Do not give something you have to dust off or that is near or past an expiration date stamped on the can. And, of course, if the can is bulging or dented, please don’t give it away or eat it yourself.
• Don’t give food in glass jars. This breaks my heart, because I’m concerned about the impact plastic has on the environment. But food shelves don’t want to deal with broken jars, so pick plastic for things that don’t come in cans.
• Don’t give perishable food, except — perhaps — garden produce. Many food shelves do take fresh garden produce during the growing season. Check with your local food shelf first before you donate. This means you’ll probably need to take the produce directly to the food shelf rather than giving through a food drive.
• Don’t give homemade food. Sure you’re a good baker or have award-winning jam, and you’re a perfectly trustworthy person. But the people who accept your donations don’t know that. Even if they do, they need to have rules against homemade food in place for the safety of the people who use the food shelf.
• Don’t give open food packages. Who does that? Apparently, some people do, because I found it on multiple “don’t donate” lists.
• Don’t donate food you wouldn’t eat. I don’t mean not to donate foods you don’t like. If you don’t like lima beans, it’s still perfectly acceptable to donate them. I mean, if you wouldn’t be happy getting a bag with the quality of items you are donating (lots of junk food, open bags, expired foods, etc.), then don’t donate those items to the food shelf. And if you only eat junk food or like to live on the wild side and eat foods that you should probably throw out, please, please… just donate money.
• Don’t give a lot during the holidays and then neglect the food shelf during the rest of the year. Food shelves receive a ton of donations related to holiday food-drives. While much of the nonperishable food is good for months afterward, it’s better for the food shelves and their clients if you spread your giving throughout the year.

What to Give

• First and foremost, give what your food shelf needs most. Many food shelves have lists of their most needed foods available online, or you can call and ask what they need. Safe bets are peanut butter, canned tuna, beans, rice, cereal, and canned fruits and vegetables. (Here’s an area where “don’t donate what you wouldn’t eat” comes into play — I try to donate fruit that doesn’t come in a sugary syrup, because I prefer not to buy that kind.)
• Give ingredients for cooking meals. People who use food shelves don’t necessarily just want prepackaged meals, like macaroni and cheese. Donate cooking oil (canola or olive), spices, flour, sugar, and other shelf-stable items you might use to cook a meal.
• Give culturally specific foods. Not everyone eats what you eat. Consider purchasing foods that would appeal to people from cultures other than your own. Your local food shelf may be able to provide guidance on what to buy to meet the needs of people from different cultures.
• Give food for people on special diets. Remember that some people need to watch the amount of sodium or sugar they consume, or they may have food allergies. Purchase foods that work for people with dietary restrictions.
• Give non-food items such as dish soap, shampoo, feminine hygiene items, and diapers. Many food shelf clients are grateful for items that help them with personal care, baby care, and keeping their homes clean.
• Consider giving cake mix and frosting. Many food shelves put together birthday bags for children. Check with your food shelf to see if they could use cake mix and frosting for families celebrating a birthday.

Whatever you do, give what food shelves can use… especially money.

 

In a little over a week, we will know whether or not the Republicans have retained control of Congress. Regardless of the outcome, some people will feel optimistic about the future, and others will be convinced that the U.S. is gong to hell in a handbasket.

I strongly believe that who we elect matters. The President has the power to appoint justices who will shape our nation for decades to come, although he needs the Senate to confirm his choices. Congress can pass laws that can be harmful or helpful. If all three branches of the U.S. government are dominated by one party, that party will encounter little difficulty in achieving its goals. Through gerrymandering and voting laws, it may even be able to manipulate things in order to maintain power.

But politicians are fallible human beings, and no party is perfect. Even the smartest people disagree about things such as why wages have been stagnant for decades. No individual or party will have all the answers to our nation’s problems.

On top of that, there are forces in the world that are outside the power of our government. Since the 1980s, obesity in the United States has climbed. Since the 1990s, there’s been a significant increase in the number of Americans who are religiously unaffiliated. Clearly, trends like these are independent of who is in power. World events, natural disasters, economic expansions and contractions, technological innovations… leaders can respond to these events, but they cannot control them.

If you expect your candidate — or party — to “fix” everything, you’ve confused them with God.

Who you vote for matters. But that isn’t all that matters. If you want change, go ahead and support the leaders you think would be most effective at making a difference. Then, no matter who wins — your candidate or the other one — go out and make a difference yourself. And when it comes time to vote again, assess incumbents with some understanding that they were never going to usher in the new golden age you might have been hoping for.