I just finished reading There Is No Good Card For This: What to Say and Do When Life Is Scary, Awful, and Unfair to People You Love. I highly recommend it.
If you’ve ever been unsure about what to say to someone who is going through a rough situation — illness, infertility, job loss, divorce, you name it — this book can help. It encourages you not to avoid speaking to people just because you feel awkward about their situation. It also gives you tips on what to say (and not to say) and how to help your friends, family members, neighbors, and coworkers when they really need you the most. Above all, it emphasizes that the best things you can do for someone are to show up, be kind, listen, and offer whatever you can — whether that’s cooking a meal, helping the person buy groceries, sending a card, or stopping by with ice cream and a movie.
The book is cowritten by Kelsey Crowe, founder of Help Each Other Out, and Emily McDowell, creator of Empathy Cards. Emily illustrated the book, and some of her Empathy Card designs are featured in it; I’ve bookmarked her site for future “there is no good card for this” times.
There Is No Card For This is a quick, easy read, but it is meaty enough that I’ve put it on my “books to buy” list. It is full of examples of how people have been touched or hurt by someone else’s attempt to reach out to them (or by people ignoring their situation). It has “cheat sheets” for what to say to and do for people who are facing illness, divorce, fertility issues, loss, and unemployment. Also, it includes an “empathy menu” of ways you can help someone going through a tough time. This set of prompts can help you if you feel stuck when you’re thinking about what to do for someone in need. Often the last thing a person who is overwhelmed with grief or illness wants to deal with is telling others what they need — in part, because it puts one more burden on them, and in part because when they do come up with things they need, people who offered to help say, “Oh, I can’t do that.” (That doesn’t mean people who are going through something tough can’t request what they need, nor does it mean that you can’t say “no.” It’s just rough on a person when you say you want to help, ask them to tell you what they need, and then say you can’t do it.)
I checked the book out from my local library, so it should be easily available to you whether you decide to purchase it or borrow it. If you want to make a difference in the lives of people around you, this book will give all sorts of ideas!