Wow! I didn’t realize smiling mattered. Thank you for your sharing your great wisdom, Kate!
Okay, the importance of smiling is obvious, but how often do you actually smile at others — especially strangers?
I want to be the sort of person who smiles warmly at everyone I pass throughout the day, but that’s not how I usually behave. While I’ve never been told I have “resting bitch face,” I find that, instead of smiling, I often deliberately avoid eye contact with others. Much of this is because I’m too caught up in my interior monologue. Let’s see… I need to stop by the library on the way home from work. And I want to remember to look up that recipe I heard about on the Splendid Table podcast when I get home. Oh! I can’t let myself forget to make that vet appointment for the dog. I’m worn out. I don’t feel like putting much effort into dinner tonight. What can I make instead of what I’d planned?… My thoughts roll on and on. I’m preoccupied with to-do lists, worries, and the perpetual mental chatter that Buddhists call “monkey mind.” I’m so engaged with my own thought life that I fail to pay attention to the people around me.
I’m also an introvert, and there are times that I just can’t muster the energy to interact with strangers. In these situations, I avoid making eye contact with others, because if I pretend I don’t notice someone, I won’t have to deal with them.
And to be truthful, I’m still a junior high school student at heart. I have a feeling I’m not the only one. I’m afraid that if I smile at someone, they will reject me. If I don’t look at them, there’s no risk involved; they can’t reject me if I’m not even glancing their way. It is beyond me why I still let this fear of rejection dominate my behavior. I’m well aware that most people respond to friendliness with… friendliness! And if someone did reject me, I can either assume that they were preoccupied with something else (just as I often am) or I can conclude that how they treat me says far more about them than it does about me.
You may already be that person I want to be — sending everyone you pass a little love with your friendly grin.
But if you, like me, aren’t yet that smiley person, start by asking yourself what’s getting in your way and how you can overcome it. Together, let’s make a commitment to smile more — this week, and every week.