I’ve written plenty of posts about how small things make a difference.
But recent events in the lives of my loved ones have really brought home how easy it is to make a difference through ordinary acts… and how unglamorous those acts can be.
I want to leave a mark on the world…
I suppose it could be called a midlife crisis, but not too many years ago, I really wanted to do something big to change the world. I was working for a university. We often talked about how we were preparing future leaders to make a difference. I would think, “I don’t want just an indirect role in preparing future leaders. I want to be among them.” I read biographies of people like Elizabeth Fry and William Wilberforce, and I wanted to be like them.
We need people to do big things, but I was discounting how many opportunities I had to make a difference in my daily life, even though they weren’t glamorous.
Making a difference is simply showing up.
A friend of mine has suffered a major loss. My first reaction was to want to do something, like helping with a specific task. Those things are important, but it became clear early on that the best way I could support this person was to simply show up and be with them.
That’s not going to change the world. But, combined with the actions of other people, my showing up can make a real difference in one person’s life.
Making a difference can be tedious… even downright awful.
Even dream jobs can be filled with tedium and rotten days. But many of the tedious and awful things we do, whether on the job or in our daily lives, actually make a difference.
One of my family members recently needed to go to the emergency room at 3:30 a.m. It wasn’t a “call an ambulance” sort of emergency, but it couldn’t wait until morning, so I drove them.
Let me make two things clear:
- While it wasn’t fun for me, I realize it was more awful for them. They were in serious pain and were sick to their stomach, and my navigational software wasn’t working properly, so the poor person was having to read me directions on top of everything else.
- I was no hero. I was tired. I was unhappy that I had to travel to an ER that I didn’t know, rather than our local emergency room, because the person felt (rightly, I think) that they should go to the same hospital where they’d had outpatient surgery related to their emergency. The best I can say for myself is that I didn’t complain, and I tried to get to our destination quickly.
This act of service was decidedly unsexy. When my passenger started throwing up in my car (thankfully they had a bag handy), the noise and smell made my stomach turn. I was out of sorts the next day. And while I know my loved one appreciated being dropped off at the ER, this was not one of those moments that they will always remember as something amazing that someone did for them. It was simply a trip to the ER with me muttering “dammit” when I missed a turn. Nevertheless, it was the most important thing I could have done with my life at that moment.
This is what make a difference looks like…
- Making a difference looks like doing a housemate’s chores when they are exhausted.
- Making a difference looks like running out to buy tissues and chicken noodle soup for someone who has a cold.
- Making a difference looks like saying, “Don’t worry, we can take it easy today” if the person you’re visiting on your vacation isn’t feeling great… even if you have to cancel some really fun plans.
- Making a difference looks like changing a diaper.
- Making a difference looks like walking the dog.
- Making a difference looks like checking in on someone you’re worried about.
- Making a difference also looks like bigger things — volunteering, protesting, donating. It may even look like the really big things, such as starting a nonprofit to tackle a problem. But don’t be fooled. Some of the best ways for us to make a difference — as trivial as they may seem — are staring us right in the face.
16 replies on “The Most Important Way to Make a Difference Is Right in Front of You”
The everyday, and the ordinary, is seriously undervalued by most of us, Kate. Yet being with someone who needs you, or going an extra mile for someone in need, are exactly the everyday, ordinary actions that leave real, positive marks in the world. Your posting is a powerful reminder that the world is sometimes made from, and shaped by seemingly small things. Little things do matter and should be valued. Small acts of compassion and kindness should be celebrated!
Well done, for the actions. Also for the thoughtful reflection. And very well done for reminding us of these profoundly valuable life-lessons!
Thank you, John!
Yes, Kate. Your words eclipse so many of those suggestions we see and hear in everyday life. They register so true and call us to step out of our comfort zones from time to time. I agree, that’s when we make a difference. For me, when someone goes out of their way and just voluntarily does something nice for me, without prompting, that’s when I feel really loved.
I agree. It’s been ages since I was a teenager, but I still remember when I was napping on the couch (I wasn’t feeling well), and my sister sewed a small pillow for me as I slept. I felt very cared for.
Love “my sister sewed a small pillow for me as I slept. I felt very cared for.” Thank you, Kate.
All of this! Thank you for this thoughtful article that reinforces the sometimes crazy idea that every person can make a difference.
Thanks, Curtis!
Most decidedly yes! And to come to that realization is a form of maturity. Apparently, getting older – and mature – is a necessity in life. Amen.
Thanks, Robert!
I have often felt as you did about wanting to do something important to make a difference in the larger world. But you give me hope that the little things I’ve done over the years have made a difference in some other person’s life. Excellent.
I know you’ve made a difference.
Hi Kate. I’m always so happy to hear how much warmth that pillow gave you.
Personal impact is something I’ve been thinking about for a few years in, I believe, more realistic terms such as what you’re describing. At 48, it’s been a few years since I really pined for making what I thought of as. “large” impact. Is it likely I will ever be a noted contributor to my field beyond those who know my work directly? Probably not. Will something I do serve as the impetus for wide reaching change? Unlikely.
I wonder why we’re so attached to the idea the value of our actions, and therefore some aspect of our own worth, is directly related to the number of people’s lives we impact or how many people know our name?
I think the older we get, the more we’re truly able to accept how small and inconsequential we are. But at the same time, perhaps we can recognize a certain since of dignity and service in the things we *can* do well to make even a small difference. Those things, as you describe, we don’t want to do but we know we can do and are necessary.
If nothing else, I hope to bring some people comfort, leave a legacy of love, and raise a wonderful human being.
I agree with everything you have to say, and I have no doubt that your legacy, even if it is small, will be beautiful and valuable.
As will yours!!! 🙂
John Milton expressed some of this valuable idea of the usefulness of small good deeds in his line “They also serve who only stand and wait”.
Being present with another person during that person’s time of need is a way of standing and waiting and serving!
Kate, you so often remind us of important, but often small overlooked things. Recently I have been on the receiving end of many of these. And let me tell you–they have touched my heart!