Who are your heroes?
Most of us have at least one.
I’ve interviewed many people over the years, and I’ve often asked them about their heroes or role models. Frequently, they will mention a family member. That makes sense; they’re thinking of the people who shaped their lives. I’d guess that most families have at least one person — often more than one — who behaves admirably. They are the sort of people we want to become, demonstrating love, hard work, selflessness. In an ideal world, all of us would have family members like this… and strive to join them as role models.
What about fictitious role models? Children have them, and I’m willing to bet that many adults also cherish one or more in their hearts. Wonder Woman, Samwise Gamgee, Indiana Jones, Chihiro Ogino — these characters inspire us to be stronger, braver, and better than we are.
Many of us also look up to famous people who have achieved something we want to achieve. Neil Gaiman is my writing hero. I don’t strive to write like him. I don’t think I could if I wanted to. But I admire him for the quality of his work and for how prolific he is. I admire him for not being confined to one genre. I admire him for using his fame as a platform to speak out on important issues. In these ways, I wish I could be like him.
Maybe your hero is an athlete or artist or entrepreneur who has achieved what you’d like to achieve. When we can look up to a successful person, we can learn from them and move closer to our goals.
There’s nothing wrong with any of these heroes. Your grandma, Steve Jobs, Princess Leia — these people can inspire you to grow. But if you don’t have a world-changer in your pantheon of heroes — a person who has devoted his or her life to making a significant difference for the good of others — I encourage you to choose one.
Among my world-changing heroes are William Wilberforce, a British abolitionist; Elizabeth Fry, a prison reformer; and Paul Farmer, co-founder of Partners in Health. People like them remind me of just how much one person can achieve. They help me to see beyond myself, demonstrating what it is like to dedicate much of your life to serving others. When we look up to people like these, they can help us reorient our values, which can be jostled out of alignment by our everyday concerns.
Remember that heroes are human
Whether our heroes are living or historic figures, whether we know them personally or just observe them from a distance, any real person we look up to has the potential to let us down. Family members we admire may not be there for us when we need them. Our heroes may succeed in some of their efforts and fail spectacularly in others. They may demonstrate flaws we wish they didn’t have. If you expect a real person to be as loyal and brave as Sam Gamgee, you will almost certainly be disappointed.
I think political leaders are particularly vulnerable in this regard. When we vote for a leader, we hope they will bring about certain changes. But even good leaders won’t achieve all that voters hoped for. When events outside a leader’s control occur, such as a global recession, their choices might make the situation a little better than it would have been under another leader, but people are more likely to focus on the recession than on the notion that it could have been worse. A leader may face opposition that keeps him or her from changing things as quickly or dramatically as their supporters would like. There’s nothing wrong with expecting our leaders to be people of integrity who are willing to take action, but people who expect that electing this or that leader will drastically change things for the better are probably the people who become cynical and stop voting. Who we elect matters, but it’s unlikely they’ll fulfill all of our expectations.
I’m not saying we should excuse every failure we see in a hero, shrugging it off with the words, “Well, s/he’s only human.” But we need to be careful that we don’t hold our role models to higher standards than we do ourselves in terms of their behavior or their accomplishments. Otherwise, we’re virtually guaranteed to be disappointed.
It’s easy to grow cynical when we see our role models fall, but if we choose to let human frailty stop us from embracing heroes, we’re missing out on a source of inspiration. Heroes fail — but they also can motivate us. If you allow them to, heroes can teach you how to become a better person, even how to change the world. Don’t be afraid to have heroes. You’ll be a better person for it.