Category: Make a Difference

Repeat after me: “It’s not about me.”

Most of us know that, but in the stresses of everyday life, it can be easy for us to act as if we really think otherwise. When I’m feeling rushed and like my to-do list is about to overwhelm me, the people around me never move fast enough. I get fed up and can be anything but patient and kind.

The best solution to this is to simplify our lives; when we are calmer, it’s much easier to be the loving people we aspire to be. But as a working mom who juggles side projects, I understand that achieving that simplicity can be a challenge. So we need to make “It’s not about me” our mantra, and we need to make looking out for others a habit.

In a hurry? (When am I not?) Take a deep breath and resist snapping at someone who is slowing you down. Let someone ahead of you in line. Take time to listen, even when you have no time. (Yes, these are all easier said than done. I’m not good at them, but I believe that these practices can make me a better person and that they will not, in the end, significantly affect how much I get done or how quickly I get to the next place I’m going.)

Annoyed by that driver who cut you off or who is tailgating or [fill in your pet peeve here]? Do not — I repeat — do not give them a one-finger salute or let their driving affect your own. Let it go. They’re probably just as stressed as you are. Maybe, just maybe, your considerate driving will catch on… if not with them, then with other drivers around you.

Sort of want to go to that party but not sure if you’ll feel like it on the actual day of the event? As an introvert, I understand… but as someone who has hosted gatherings, I know how frustrating it can be when you can’t get a remotely accurate guest count. Be the person who makes a commitment and — barring an emergency — sticks to it.

Practice the little things: holding a door open, putting the divider down after you put your groceries on the conveyor belt, smiling instead of scowling. Say a little prayer of blessing for the people around you, or a prayer of thanks for the good things in your life.

None of this means that your life doesn’t matter. On the contrary, it means that how you act can make a real difference in the lives of those around you, that you have the power to alter the course of someone’s day.

Life is not about me… it’s about love.

Let’s practice that together.

I have an employer that does many wonderful things. One of the projects my employer has tackled has been a series of pollinator gardens. I’ve been working to support and promote this project, so pollinators have been very much on my mind lately.

You probably know that pollinators are suffering worrisome declines. This isn’t just true for honeybees, but also bumblebees and other native bees, butterflies, and other insects, as well as pollinating birds and mammals.

If you have a yard, you can help fight pollinator declines through your landscaping choices.

You probably know that you can help pollinators through what you choose to plant. Some pollinators have very specific needs, such as monarch butterflies, which require native milkweed to successfully reproduce. While you may choose to research plants that appeal to a particular pollinator, the best thing you can do for pollinators in general is to choose plants that are native to your area. If you do nothing else, consider pollinators when you choose plants for your yard.

Pollinators don’t just need food; they need water. This is easy to provide through features like birdbaths or small ponds.

You also can help pollinators through providing natural and artificial shelters. Don’t keep a pristine yard; leave stumps, brush piles, and bare earth for pollinator nesting sites. You can also create nesting sites that are attractive to native bees.

In addition to providing pollinators with food, water, and shelter, you can support them by avoiding neonicotinoid pesticides. Not only should you check the labels of any pesticides you buy, you should also ask nurseries from which you buy plants if the plants are treated with neonicotinoids — a surprising number are, even if the plants are designated as pollinator-friendly.

Of course, you can choose to do more, such as supporting further research into pollinator declines or working to reduce or even ban the use of neonicotinoids. But if you’re a homeowner who wants to make a difference for pollinators, the best place to start is in your own backyard.

Last year I wrote about the importance of not being judgmental. Nothing I say here is intended to contradict that.

But as I mentioned in that blog post, there’s a difference between being judgmental and distinguishing between right and wrong. And sometimes, whether our intention is to gently correct someone or to courageously draw attention to injustice, we need to speak up in favor of what’s right and against what’s wrong.

We don’t like hearing that we’re wrong; in fact, we tend to screen out information that contradicts what we believe. But even if we feel convicted, it can be hard for us to admit it. Confessing wrong-doing requires both humility and vulnerability. For that reason, I believe that the most powerful way to speak up is to do so lovingly within a trusting relationship. In healthy families, parents will correct their children without making the children feel that they are in danger of losing their parents’ love.

To my shame, I can show this in action through a personal story. I attended a college that did not have cheerleaders. We did have a student-led pep band, and I was an active member of the band during basketball season. When I was dating my husband, I told him a story about how we once played “The Stripper” when the opposing team’s cheerleaders came out onto the basketball court. When I told him about how the cheerleaders ran off the court once we started playing, he asked me, “Did you look in their eyes?”

I felt horrible. Suddenly an incident that I’d found amusing made me realize that, at my worst, I could be a pretty unfeeling person. But while I would hope I could have heard that message no matter who had delivered it or how they had done so, it helped that it came from someone who loved me and who was not threatening to withdraw his love because of my participation in something so hurtful. When we can gently correct others as my husband corrected me, we probably will find that people are more receptive to our message.

That doesn’t mean we never speak up under other circumstances. It does mean we try to use good judgment about when and how to speak up. There are no hard and fast rules; it comes down to weighing the severity of the offense. If I point out relatively minor offenses to others, I’m probably slipping into judgmentalism rather than standing up for what’s right.

But there are things you don’t let go. Anyone who had been present at that basketball game would have been right to tell us to knock it off. Whether we’re calling someone on the racist joke they just told or speaking out at a town hall meeting about an issue that concerns us, we need to be courageous enough to stand up for what’s right.

In a polarized world, it can be easy either to remain silent, telling ourselves that we won’t convince anyone anyway, or to jump into the fray with gusto, verbally tearing other people down. We’re fallible, and we’re going to mess up as we decide when and how to speak out. But if we are silent, we are giving our implicit approval to wrongdoing, and possibly even collaborating with wrongdoers. If we want to make a difference, we must be people who stand up for what is right and speak out against what is wrong.

You know that sinking feeling you get when you realize that something you’ve been doing — or have been failing to do — is a problem? I recently experienced that when I read a Minnesota Public Radio report on how homeowners can affect a river’s health.

I recommend reading the article, but here’s the short version: While agriculture has an enormous effect on local watersheds, homeowners also bear responsibility for the health of nearby sources of water. Two of the biggest problems are over-fertilizing lawns and failing to pick up pet waste. We look for nutrients in our food, but we don’t want too many in our water; otherwise, we have problems like algae blooms.

My family is really lazy in terms of lawn care, so we don’t over-fertilize. But, as the article noted, many people are good about picking up dog waste on walks but are not particularly good about picking up waste in their yards. I’m one of those people.

There are some easy solutions. I’m going to have to make more of an effort to clean up after our dog in the yard on a regular basis. If you don’t have a dog, you’re off the hook for this one.

If you’re better than we are about fertilizing your lawn, you can fertilize it less by engaging in practices like leaving grass clippings on your lawn, top dressing your lawn with a mix of compost and soil, testing your soil to get fertilizer recommendations, and timing your fertilizer application for the fall, when your lawn is most likely to store the nutrients it receives.

You can also cut down on the amount of fertilizer you use by reducing the size of your lawn and introducing more native plants to your garden.

A rain garden is more effort, but it can really cut down on the nutrients that leave your yard and reach the watershed. Have you ever seen spray-painted messages near your neighborhood sewers that say “This drains to the river”? Think of a rain garden as a filter system between your yard and the gutters that lead to those sewers. You’re giving the nutrients to the plants in your rain garden rather than sending them into nearby streams and rivers.

If you own a home, take some time to consider if there are steps you need to take to stop nutrients from leaking from your yard to the watershed. You know what I’ll be working on!

Have you ever been frustrated about not being able to view the beautiful night sky because of the glare of city lights? Have you ever considered buying blackout curtains because neighborhood lights are disturbing your ability to sleep well?

Most of us become aware of light pollution through its impact on our lives; that certainly has been the case for me. But intrusive lights that disrupt our sleep and interfere with our ability to enjoy the night sky are just two of the effects of light pollution. It’s harmful to wildlife, disturbing migration patterns and nocturnal behaviors. It’s suspected of harming human health as it disrupts our own daily rhythms. Our heavy use of light at night also increases carbon dioxide emissions.

Fortunately, light pollution is one of the easiest forms of pollution to reverse. The best way to start your journey toward fighting light pollution? Educate yourself. The International Dark-Sky Association (IDA) is a great resource for learning more about light pollution and ways to change light usage at night.

Take a look at your own light usage. Are you using lights that aren’t necessary? Is the lighting you use appropriate for the task? I wish a couple of my neighbors who keep outdoor lights on all night long would ask themselves these questions; their lights are bright and directed in such a way that they are very visible. IDA’s website suggests how to approach neighbors about intrusive lighting; I haven’t felt bold enough to talk with my neighbors, in part because we use blackout curtains. Perhaps if my personal pain were greater, I’d chat with them about their lighting.

Let other people know about light pollution. The folks in your life who love to look at the night sky are very aware of this, but with the well-deserved attention to other environmental issues like climate change and plastic in the oceans, light pollution may fall off people’s radars. Share what you’re learning on social media, or bring it up in appropriate venues, such as a city meeting about lighting ordinances or on work teams that are discussing environmental issues.

I see these as three of the easiest and most effective ways to handle light pollution, but IDA has several more suggestions. What will you do this week to take a step toward restoring our night skies?