My husband does many wonderful things. If the basement floods or something breaks down, he tackles the problem. He helps my mom by carrying heavy things for her or fixing her computer. For one of our anniversaries, he cooked up a fabulous surprise that included breakfast and Star Blazers, a show we’d both loved when we were kids.
He’s not very good at Mother’s Day. Whether it’s because holidays don’t mean as much to him as they do to me or because he can sometimes be forgetful (even when I remind him), more than one Mother’s Day came and went with him forgetting to take our child shopping for some sort of gift or card. That didn’t happen every single Mother’s Day, but it did happen a lot. And it hurt.
What would have made my Mother’s Day would have been if someone had offered to shop with my child sometime before the holiday. That never happened, but one of my friends who lived far away and who knew about the situation did once send me a Mother’s Day card signed by her children, and that meant a lot to me.
I’m not the saintly person I aspire to be. There are plenty of times I’ve wallowed in my pain. But I have learned over the years that I can use that pain for good; it can teach me to look out for others in the same or similar situations. The fact is, there are plenty of other people for whom Mother’s Day is a difficult day. Some feel forgotten, like I did. Some are single mothers of young children. Some are mourning the loss of their mother or a child. Some are in a difficult relationship with their mother or with one or more children. Some women wonder if they’ll ever have the child they want so badly.
For the past few years, I’ve put out a call on Facebook: “If this Mother’s Day will be hard for you, let me know.” Not many people speak up, and so far the most I’ve been able to do is send a card to someone who lost their mother. But I try to keep an eye out for people could use a little extra love and support on Mother’s Day. I do the same for Father’s Day.
Whether Mother’s Day is painful or wonderful or just another day for you, I’d like to ask you to join me this year in looking for people who might be hurting. Do you know a mom who would be thrilled if you took her kids shopping for gifts ahead of time? Is there someone who would enjoy a card or a phone call or some flowers? Is there someone you could invite to brunch? Do you know a single mom who might appreciate some time to herself?
There are lots of articles out there telling women who are feeling hurt on Mother’s Day to remember it’s just one day and to count their blessings. While there is a certain truth to that, let’s also acknowledge that their pain is real. Let’s stop telling people that they shouldn’t feel hurt and, instead, let’s actively seek ways we can be kind to them. What hurting people need isn’t a lecture. It’s love.