Category: Make a Difference

Note: This week’s post was supposed to be in the “something wonderful” category, but it felt too frivolous after the events of last week. I promise to post something lighter next week.

When I initially conceived of this post, it was in light of the pandemic, although I always intended it to encompass other events, such as the ongoing crisis in Venezuela.

Then George Floyd was murdered.

It feels like everything is falling apart. There is so much hatred and suffering. We are worn out from all of the bad news.

There are many things we need if we want the world to change for the better. But it may be that the one thing we need most is empathy.

Why empathy?

If we are to stop the hate and work together for the good of all, we must be able to understand the suffering of others. In Central Park, a white woman displayed a complete lack of empathy for a black man when she called the police, claiming he was threatening her and her dog, because he asked her to obey a leash law. In Connecticut, a protester who wrote “Your health is not more important than my liberties!!” on their car window showed a lack of empathy for those who are at most at risk should they be exposed to the coronavirus. When we treat refugees as criminals, we lack empathy.

What does empathy look like?

• When we are empathetic, we recognize that others have as much value as we do. This is why protesters proclaim “Black lives matter.” Too often, these protesters have been told they are being disrespectful or too political (as football players have been told when they take a knee during the national anthem), or they are “corrected” with the statement “All lives matter.” But saying that black lives matter is not saying that other lives matter less. Rather, it points to the way that black lives have been devalued for far too long.
• When we are empathetic, we listen. The riots that have occurred over the past week are complex. They have been fed, in part, by people who are not sympathetic to the Black Lives Matter movement but who are using Floyd’s death to achieve their own ends. But they also have been expressions of anger from people who have not been listened to. For generations, black Americans have been victims of violence, and those who have killed them have been exonerated in court. For generations, black Americans have been treated suspiciously for doing things that white people take for granted, such as stopping to look at a construction site while jogging. (My husband, who is white, stops to look at things that attract his curiosity when we walk together. No one has chased him down or called the police.)
• When we are empathetic, we act. If we say we value others and that we are listening, but we fail to act, our words are empty. I have said before that we cannot do everything, that we must pick our causes, and that is true. But there are times when the pain of those around us is so great that we must do something. Speak up. Make a donation. Call someone with political power. Do something. Because when we ignore the suffering of those around us, we are complicit with those who actively hate and oppress them.

The topic of this post is distressing, but I ask my readers to take a deep breath and look further into the future than early fall.

Here in the United States, individual states are beginning to relax the restrictions put in place to try to flatten the curve. In response, people are flocking to restaurants, bars, and shopping areas, neither wearing masks nor social distancing. Of course, many people are maintaining the habits they established over the last couple of months. But others, overjoyed at the end to stay-at-home orders, are ready to return to normal. I get it. Even an introvert like me can get fed up with so much time at home, away from people I’d like to see face-to-face.

But epidemiologists have pointed out that we’re not out of the woods yet. And history backs them up. The 1918 flu pandemic was brutal, killing more U.S. soldiers than died in battle in World War I. It disrupted the economy. And it lasted more than a year, starting in the spring of 1918 in a relatively mild form and then coming back in the fall in a deadlier fashion. The pandemic came to an end in the summer of 1919.

There are a lot of unanswered questions around the coronavirus, and the U.S. changed a lot in 100 years. Just how much this pandemic will resemble that deadly flu remains to be seen. We don’t know if having the virus offers durable immunity, a necessity if we are to achieve herd immunity. We don’t know if the virus will mutate. Despite promises, we don’t know when a vaccine or cure will be available. Although the news is sometimes hopeful — as I write this, the headlines are proclaiming that there are some promising human safety trials underway for one vaccine — the fact is that vaccines normally take years to develop.

If it’s going to be a long haul, what can we do?

We often laud the parents of Baby Boomers — known as the Greatest Generation — for their willingness to make sacrifices for the greater good during World War II. Now is the time for us to imitate them and pull together, adjusting our attitudes and behaviors for the sake of those around us.

• We can heed the call of people like North Dakota’s governor, Doug Burgum, who asked people to stop making masks a political issue. We can, as he advised, “dial up [our] empathy and… understanding.” Wearing a mask isn’t about being fearful. It’s about caring for others.
• Building on that point, we can stop seeing our choices as a matter of personal risk, and start asking ourselves how our choices are putting others at risk.
• We can develop patience and a willingness to endure hardship for the greater good.
• We can stay home — from work, from running errands, from social events — when we are sick. I acknowledge that there are people who have no paid sick leave and who may be putting their jobs on the line if they call in sick. So…
• As I’ve noted in this blog before, we can pass legislation that requires employers to provide paid sick leave for their employees, not merely for COVID-19 but for other illnesses.
• Employers can encourage employees to continue telecommuting at least part of the time if they are able to perform their duties at home. (Some large tech companies, including Facebook and Google, have already done this.)
• Democrats and Republicans can come together to provide better long-term relief for people who have lost their jobs and for struggling small businesses.
• We can exercise our creativity and look for solutions to problems caused or exacerbated by this pandemic, including unemployment, mental health issues, and domestic violence.

We must not allow a second wave to surprise us.

I will jump for joy if this pandemic comes to an end in the near future. But we shouldn’t count on that. We need to prepare now for the possibility that we will face future shut-downs, if not as a nation (something we haven’t done so far) at least in specific areas. We need to make sure we are well-equipped for a surge in hospitalizations. We need to expect that we may face further layoffs if a surge in illnesses causes more people to stay home — voluntarily or not.

Optimism can be a wonderful thing. When we enter a period of difficulty feeling sure that it will be over soon, that can give us strength to tackle our most difficult days. But we need to temper that optimism with a dose of reality. Sometimes difficulties last much longer than we would like. We need to be prepared to deal with this epidemic for many more months, even as we hope that we are wrong and that the threat will be over soon.

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In late March, one of my friends shared this quote from The Fellowship of the Ring:

“I wish it need not have happened in my time,” said Frodo.
“So do I,” said Gandalf. “and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”

Why did I need to be reminded that real adventures can be awful? A couple of years ago, I wrote this in a blog post on prioritizing discomfort:

But there is another part of me that craves adventure, and with adventure comes discomfort. It’s not the part of adventure that most of us yearn for. We want to see the world without being rained on or running low on food, thank you very much. But you can’t have a real adventure without opening yourself up to being uncomfortable.

I know that, but I tend to conveniently forget it. As I said, discomfort isn’t the part of adventure that most of us yearn for. So when I think about adventure, I think about going new places, meeting new people, and doing new things. I imagine that, if I encounter anything scary, it won’t be too scary. Just a mild thrill like I might feel on a roller coaster.

This moment has lots of the stuff that real adventures bring. Basics that we took for granted — like cleaning supplies and toilet paper and food staples — may be missing from store shelves. We are physically separated from people we love. We avoid going out unnecessarily, and when we must go out, we wear masks and steer clear of others out of consideration for them. Our world has been turned upside down.

And this adventure goes far beyond the mere discomfort of not finding what we need in the grocery store. It’s downright scary. We’re scared of the coronavirus and scared of losing our jobs. We’re scared for ourselves and for others. The uncertainty is driving us crazy. How long will this go on? When will things ever return to normal, and what will “normal” look like?

When we watch a superhero movie or read a fantasy novel or sit down for an episode of Dr. Who, we expect that things will turn out okay. The heroes will save the day. Beloved characters may die, but they will not die in vain. After watching Avengers: End Game, how many of us started speculating about how the next movie would fix things? No matter how awful a book or movie or TV show gets, we expect that there will be some version of “happily ever after” in the end.

But if we were actually in the adventures we enjoy vicariously experiencing, we might not feel so confident. Frodo trudged toward his goal with a will to destroy the Ring but with little certainty that he would succeed. What could one hobbit do, even with a friend to support him, against so much evil? Real adventures are full uncertainty. They can leave you quaking in your boots.

This doesn’t feel like an adventure.

How many adventures can you think of that don’t involve travel? Even when adventures occur in dreams, the dreamers travel through places like Wonderland or Unknown Kadath. Novelty is key to adventures. But many of us are staying at home as much as possible, and one day becomes much like the other. The only novelty we’re experiencing is the need to narrow our lives in ways we never have before while we face a situation we never have before.

If this is an adventure, we want no part of it. We may be experiencing all of the fear and unpleasantness that come with real adventures, but we have none of the excitement and discovery that we expect from adventures.

And how can we be the heroes we dream of becoming when we’re trapped in our homes, binging on Netflix so that we can drown out our fears for a while? The real heroes are the medical professionals, the grocery store workers, the delivery drivers, right?

If you ask them, many of those people will tell you they don’t want to be applauded as heroes. People who work at grocery stores never expected to put their lives on the line for our sake. One grocery store employee writes, “Cashiers and shelf-stockers and delivery-truck drivers aren’t heroes. They’re victims.” Health care professionals are tired of taking risks that could be mitigated with more personal protective equipment. In the words of one nurse, “We went to war without a gun.” Tired and lonely and frightened and stretched to the breaking point, another nurse writes, “I don’t feel like I’m nearly enough. That is why I tell people not to call me a hero. To me, it feels like a lie.”

This is an adventure that doesn’t feel like an adventure and that none of us want. It’s an adventure in which few of us are willing to play a hero’s role.

So what do we do?

It would be ridiculous for me to say that we simply need to reframe the present moment as an adventure, embrace it, and move forward. Reframing is a useful psychological tool, but I’d feel like a fraud if I just told readers to find the silver lining in the present moment.

I will say this: We all have every right to hate this experience. It’s okay to feel depressed and frightened and angry. It’s normal to wish this was all over or, better yet, all a bad dream. You don’t have to embrace this adventure or want to be a hero in it. And you don’t have to stop escaping into tales of adventure either.

But I will suggest that if you, like me, are mostly at home, and if it would help sometimes to experience this moment as an adventure — one that was forced upon you and that you’d give up if you could — then it’s time to embrace your inner Frodo and do whatever you can, however small the task and however inadequate you feel. You already know that some people are making masks, and as a recipient of a homemade mask, I am grateful to those people. But if making masks isn’t your thing, there’s far more that you can do:

• You can wear a mask when you go out and practice social distancing. Most masks are for protecting others far more than they are for your own protection, so choosing to wear a mask is an act of consideration for those around you. I confess that I do not wear a mask when I take walks, because I only have one, and I walk in areas that are not busy and where I can steer clear of others. But if you will be near others, one of the kindest things you can do is wear a mask.
• You can buy groceries for people who are more at risk than you are. In addition to helping those people stay safe, you will help reduce crowding in stores.
• You can donate blood or, better yet, platelets. If you’ve recovered from COVID-19, the American Red Cross would like your plasma.
• If you have the money, you can support small businesses by purchasing gift cards or possibly by making a purchase for delivery or curbside pickup. You also can support nonprofits with your donations.
• You can be supportive of others, doing what you can to help them get through this. That can range from simply checking in with friends to finding ways to entertain others, such as creating a teddy bear hunt.

What if you’re one of the essential workers?

You have every right to be angry. Many of the people who call you a hero are benefiting from the risks you are forced to take — risks that they may not be taking. If you felt like you had a choice, you’d walk away from this. It’s hell. Forget this talk about heroes!

But heroes don’t always volunteer for that role. They don’t necessarily like it. They may feel angry or frightened or like they’re doing a terrible job, but they do what they must — what others see as heroic — because they feel like they have no other choice. It’s okay to tell people that you don’t want to be called a hero. It’s wonderful to stand up for yourself and say that what you really need is more personal protective equipment or for people to wear masks in your presence. But please don’t feel like you don’t deserve to be called a hero because you are scared or feel incompetent or never asked for this role.

I know that none of what I’m saying makes the situation better. I’m a writer, but this isn’t my story to control; I can’t write us all a happy ending. All I can say is this: If this is our adventure — this thing that none of wish was happening in our time — then we may as well grit our teeth and fight our way through. Let’s think of each other as teammates, all trying to beat this thing together, and let’s try to have each other’s backs — even if it’s by keeping our distance in order to keep our teammates safe.

COVID-19 is teaching us harsh lessons about everything from the need to wash our hands properly to the importance of preparing for pandemics. What if we decided to use these lessons to prepare for the future?

I acknowledge that that future could be a long way off. Even after we are “safe,” we will need to mourn all we have lost and to rebuild. But here are some things we can carry with us so that, hopefully, the next crisis will not hit us as hard.

In a leadership position? Lead thoughtfully and with compassion.

No one wants to lead through a crisis, but crises happen. When they do, we look to our leaders to put together thoughtful plans designed to help those who will suffer the most. Even when they feel as frightened as everyone else, the best leaders inspire confidence as they calmly communicate the current state of things and what they expect for the future. They unite us and help inspire us to work together for the good of everyone.

How does such a leader pull together a thoughtful plan? They look to people who know more than they do.

We need to trust experts.

Contrary to what you might think given our inaction on vital problems like climate change, Americans have a great deal of confidence in certain experts, such as scientists and doctors. Of course, experts aren’t always right, and new discoveries require us to refine our understanding of the world. But while these authorities are not deities, they have a great deal of skill and knowledge in their area of expertise. We must be willing to tap their knowledge when faced with a crisis… even when their opinions are unpopular or make us look bad.

We need to prepare for crises well ahead of time.

Times like these remind us how important it is to be prepared for emergencies, on a personal level as well as a governmental or organizational level. When the coronavirus stopped being a distant threat, and we considered the possibility of being quarantined for 14 days, we asked ourselves: Do I have enough food? Do I have enough toilet paper? For many of us, the answer was “no.”

There are a lot of factors that have played into shortages of food and household supplies. Supply chains haven’t caught up with the rapid changes we’ve made as many of us work and cook more at home. But there’s no doubt that many of us started stocking up once we saw the need to be prepared for an extended stay at home. And when items become scarce, we may start to feel panicky and buy more than we need… just in case.

Preparing for emergencies is good, but in situations like these, it’s best if those of us who feel unprepared take a deep breath, figure out what we need to be better equipped for a crisis, and then work on gathering these things bit by bit. Wish you had more beans, rice, pasta, and canned soup on hand? Make a list of what you want to put in your pantry and get just a few items from the list every time you go shopping.

We need better safety nets.

It’s hard to stash money in an emergency fund or stock up your pantry if you can barely make ends meet. And even if you are prepared for the future, a run of bad luck, such as a cancer diagnosis and a lost job, can wipe out everything you’ve saved and leave you in debt. Now is the time for us to look at setting up a safety net that can help those who need it. We need paid sick leave, health care that isn’t tied to employment, and well-funded programs to help those who are unemployed or underemployed.

We need to reject false choices, such as “safety vs. the economy.”

Arguments over whether governments should shut things down or open them back up focus on two options: Either we do our best to protect the health of others at the expense of our economy, or those who are most vulnerable need to sacrifice themselves for the sake of an economic rebound. That’s a simplistic, false choice. What if we decided to approach this pandemic with creative thinking? What if the question isn’t “Do we save lives or save the economy?” What if it really is “How can we preserve the most lives while keeping our economy as healthy as possible during this crisis?”

Sometimes we need to put care for others ahead of personal rights.

I’m not advocating for erasing the Bill of Rights, nor am I saying that we can never advocate for ourselves. But in times of crisis like this, it’s good to remember: “It’s not about me.”

I think most people who are want to open businesses again right now are concerned about the economic effects of shutting things down during the pandemic. But there are those who seem to be emphasizing personal liberty above all else.

What’s more important in life? My rights, my liberties? Or caring for the well-being of others more than I care for going wherever I like right now? I believe we are called to focus less on ourselves and more on love for others.

Reducing unnecessary travel makes a difference.

If we had the power to go back in time and stop this pandemic, I think only the most hard-hearted person would refuse. But in the midst of all this suffering, there is some good news: There has been a significant decrease in emissions as people have reduced travel and other activities that contribute to greenhouse gas emissions.

The question is: How can we sustain this positive change once we move into recovery? Can we carry a conservation-focused mindset with us, perhaps encouraging continued telecommuting and reducing the number of errands we run? Will we commit ourselves to investing more in alternative energy technologies? The evidence is promising: If we work to make environmentally friendly changes, those changes really can make a difference.

We need to be mindful of the most vulnerable people in times of crisis.

We are all suffering right now, and no matter who you are, your suffering is valid. It’s okay to feel anxious or depressed, even if you are better off than other people.

But as some people have reminded us: “We are in the same storm, but not in the same boat.” COVID-19 is disproportionately killing African Americans. The earliest job losses in the United States have hit people of color hardest. As lockdowns have increased, so has domestic violence.

We do not need to deny our own suffering, but it’s important for us to look out for the people who are most vulnerable right now.

Little things really do matter.

It’s easy to believe that we can’t make a difference. There are billions of people on this planet. What can one person do?

Just choosing to stay home really can make a difference right now. If you are asymptomatic, you could unknowingly spread the coronavirus to others; choosing to stay home right now, and to wear a mask and practice social distancing when you go out, could save lives.

Beyond that, the news is filled with heartening stories of people choosing to do little things that are helping others and brightening the world. Forty-three men volunteered to live in a factory for 28 days, making enough polypropylene to make 500 million N95 masks, if it all went to that particular kind of protective equipment. A 12-year-old is putting on bagpipe performances outside senior living facilities. One person gave their entire stimulus check as a tip for a take-out order.

Think what you do doesn’t make a difference? It does, my friend. It really does.

One of my greatest weaknesses is how difficult it is for me to be assertive, set boundaries, and say “no.” I frequently feel like everyone wants a piece of me and, as a result, I can please no one. I get stressed, and then I am not my best self. This feeling inspired me to rewrite the lyrics to Billy Squier’s “Everybody Wants You.” To give you a taste, here’s the second verse:

You crave approval, so you always say, “Yes.”
Perhaps tomorrow you won’t feel quite so stressed.
Rushing from work to your volunteer post
You dream of old age; maybe then you’ll get to coast.
Everyone relies on your vast energy.
You haven’t had a rest since the last century.
You always bite off more than you can chew.
You never get free — everybody wants you.

I’ve written before about the importance of assertive communication and saying “no,” but my own struggles with assertiveness remind me of how key it is to making a difference.

Unfortunately, we’re often taught that being good means saying “yes,” even when we want to say “no.” “Good” people are self-sacrificing. They give their all to their families, their jobs, their places of worship, and the organizations for which they volunteer. They always put others first.

That’s a recipe for burnout and resentment.

We need to learn to say “no.”

Why?

• When we refuse to assert ourselves, we end up feeling like others are using us. Our mantra is “Nobody appreciates me.” Our saintly exteriors hide hurt and anger. In short, we become martyrs, wishing someone would think of us for a change, but never speaking up.
• As you’ve surely heard before, “put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others” applies to life in general, not just air travel. If you don’t take care of yourself, you won’t have the energy to take care of others.
• When our “yes” allows people to continue an unhealthy behavior, we aren’t helping them. There’s a word for a such a relationship: codependent.
• If we don’t set priorities and stick with them, we may do a lot without accomplishing the most important things. Suppose your biggest priority is fighting climate change. If you say “yes” to every opportunity that comes your way, you may find that, at the end of the month, you’ve been busy, but you’ve done nothing about the climate. We only have so much time and money. We need to keep in mind that saying “yes” to one thing means saying “no” to something else.
• Our inability to be assertive sets a bad example for others, upholding the notion that the only way to be good is to let others trample all over you.
• We need to allow others to love and serve us the way we love and serve them. If your typical response to “What do you want to eat?” is “Whatever you want to eat,” you put the asker in the role of “taker” and yourself in the role of “giver.” In healthy relationships, you should be willing to let others give, too.

Need help with assertiveness and boundaries? Here are some ideas:

• If you want something harmless, express your desires. Of course life isn’t all about us, and we shouldn’t insist on always having our way. But if you’re normally unassertive, it’s time to start telling people what you want. Let them know what movie you want to see, how you’d like to spend Saturday night, what your hopes and dreams are for the future. If you want something that won’t hurt anyone, you won’t win any medals for never speaking up.
• Pick a reasonable number of priorities (maybe five things) and let them guide your decisions. You may have to reshuffle them from time to time, but living by a list of priorities can be very helpful. Right now I have few appointments outside of work. But prior to staying home to flatten the COVID-19 curve, I started to make scheduling decisions based on my priorities. I was impressed by how it was changing my life for the better. In the past, if someone extended an invitation, I would often say “yes” if I was free. When something came along that mattered more to me, I’d say “no,” because I was already booked. Now I compare the invitation to my priorities. If it isn’t on the list, I’ll say “no,” even if I’m free.
• Be ruthless about blocking off unscheduled time. If you often get cranky when you have three after-work commitments during the week, limit yourself to two. Promise yourself that, barring a genuine emergency (e.g., a friend who just lost their spouse), you will keep the remaining weeknights free. Keep in mind that there may be times when you can take on more or have to scale back. Right now, that might mean that some of us have fewer after-work commitments and more time in our schedules for Zoom meetings. Others might be all Zoomed out and need more time to rest.
• Don’t be afraid to see a therapist. If you’re having trouble setting boundaries or are in a codependent relationship, you may not be able to tackle this on your own. It’s okay to get help.

 

Note: I wrote this before the U.S. House of Representatives passed legislation related to SARS-CoV-2. The legislation includes two weeks of paid sick leave for workers who have to be quarantined or treated for COVID-19. It also includes paid leave at two-thirds salary for people who need more than 14 days to recover or who must care for someone else because of the current pandemic. The Senate is expected to pass the bill this week, and President Trump has said he will sign it.

This is a step in the right direction, but the legislation is temporary and only covers COVID-19. Therefore, while it can help the immediate situation, it doesn’t address future epidemics. What I wrote in the first section below still applies in the long-run.

Americans need paid sick leave.

With COVID-19 all over the news these days, we’re beginning to realize just how important it is to stay home from work when you’re sick. But that’s hard to do if you’re struggling to pay the bills and don’t have paid sick leave. Too many workers, particularly low-wage workers, are forced to choose between staying home when they are sick or losing pay.

Worse, in many states people can be fired for calling in sick, unless their absence is covered under a law such as the Family Medical Leave Act. This leaves many workers, including service workers with whom we interact every day, with no choice but to work when they ought to stay home.

If the U.S. would pass laws requiring employers to provide paid sick leave to employees, we would take a giant step forward toward helping prevent the spread of disease. Clearly, it’s time for us to catch up to the rest of the world.

Those of us who have paid sick leave need to be willing to use it.

Legislation is just the first step. We also need workers to use the sick leave they have.

I’ll confess that I am one of those people who has gone to work when I should have stayed home. Please, Kate. Who is going to die if you don’t come into the office? On the other hand, who might pick up that nasty virus if you don’t stay home?

Of course when someone else comes in sick, I mutter to myself, “Why are they here, spreading their germs around?”

We Americans believe strongly that we have to demonstrate what dedicated workers we are by showing up and powering through, even if we’re ill. (Incidentally, if we’re afraid to take our sick leave, we have a good reason. When I Googled “fired calling in sick,” one related search that popped up was “how to stop employees from calling in sick.”)

Going to work while sick has a definite downside — beyond the fact that it can slow our recovery. Every time we come in sick, we risk the health of our colleagues. We also exert unspoken peer pressure. If Sam comes in sick, then when Terry gets sick, they’ll feel like they should come in too.

It’s time for people like me to vow to reform. If you have sick leave and/or the flexibility to work from home, stop coming in sick. I can see making exceptions to that rule. If you aren’t seriously ill, you probably don’t want to call in sick when you’re starting a new job or have an important, time-sensitive task that cannot be done from home. But be careful not to think that all of your duties are of critical importance. There might be hiccups in our workplace without us, but business will go on.

And if you’re a manager, please set a good example. Stay home when you’re sick. If an employee comes in sick, encourage — perhaps even require — them to go home. If an employee calls in sick, trust them. In all my years at work, I can think of three colleagues who may have been abusing sick leave. I’ve known far more people who have come in when they should have stayed home. I have every reason to believe that most people will not abuse the system if you err on the side of trust.

Two weeks ago I wrote about the importance of creative approaches to world problems. I also shared some examples of what that sort of creativity looks like, from William Wilberforce’s attempts to abolish slavery by first focusing on abolishing the slave trade (a small step, but too big in the eyes of his opponents) to recycling chemically treated flowers into incense sticks in order to keep people from dumping them in the Ganges.

But how do we become more creative and open to creative ideas?

We Nourish Our Creativity By Embracing New Things

I’ve posted before about how getting out of your rut can help you grow. Part of that growth can be in the area of creativity. When I feed my brain new ideas and experiences, I’m giving it more material to work with. I have a broader notion of what’s possible. Here are some ways we can expose ourselves to new things.

• Travel… and don’t settle for just being a tourist. If you travel not merely to see the sites in a different place but to actually get to know the place and the people who live there, you are taking in new ways of thinking. But travel isn’t accessible to everyone. Thankfully there are other ways to exposure yourself to different cultures. Read books, listen to music, and watch television or movies from different parts of the world (not just the U.S. and England). Shop at and eat in immigrant-owned places of business on a regular basis. Be willing to get to know people who are different from yourself.
• Read and watch science fiction. I don’t mean that you only should consume science fiction, but reading about a world with new and different technology is a great way to inspire ideas about what might be possible in the future.
• Hang out with young children, and make yourself open to their ideas. When my child was about three, she sometimes acted out stories with me. Once she wanted to play “The Three Little Pigs,” with me in the role of the wolf. When I said, “Little pig, little pig, let me come in,” she replied, “Come in, Wolf. I’m making pancakes.” I’m ashamed to tell you that I actually responded by correcting her. “No, you’re supposed to say, ‘Not by the hair on my chinny-chin-chin.'” Later I told my dad about this, and he said something about how wonderful her response was. I realized then that I never should have suggested to her that the story could only be told one way.
• Pretend you are someone else — someone very different from who you are. Take acting classes or try out for a community theater production. Write fiction and spend time mentally walking in the shoes of your characters. Join a role-playing game and play a character who is not simply a fantasy version of yourself.
• Listen to, watch, or read some comedy. A good comedian plays with ideas and words, creating surprising combinations. They are masters of “what if…” For instance, what if someone created a machine that fed factory workers so that they didn’t have to take time off for lunch (Modern Times by Charlie Chaplin)?

We Become More Creative Through Play That Helps Us Think Outside the Box

There’s no reason you can’t start playing with words and ideas, too. Here are some ways you can do that.

• Pick an object and challenge yourself to come up with at least twenty different uses for it. What can you use a fork for besides eating?
• Ask yourself how you could engage in an activity without something that you consider essential to that activity. For example, how could you play soccer without a ball?
• Compare two very different things. In Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, the Mad Hatter asks, “Why is a raven like a writing desk?” Coming up with questions like that and forcing yourself to compare things like dogs and oranges or beds and the ocean is a great way to exercise your creativity. You also can seek out good riddles, like the kind Bilbo and Gollum used to challenge each other in The Hobbit.
• Tackle challenging crossword puzzles. I’m not thinking of crossword puzzles that merely challenge your vocabulary. Either look for American crossword puzzles that use confusing clues for hints, or seek out British cryptic crosswords.
• Take improv classes. You’ll be forced to think on your feet and build on other people’s ideas — both excellent exercises in creativity.

When we’re skilled at thinking outside the box, we’ll be better prepared to change the world through creative solutions to difficult problems.

 

 

Want to change the world? You’re going to have to get creative.

We will always have problems to solve. Threats to the environment. Pandemics. Inequality. We should never give up trying to bring about a better world. We also should be willing to accept the fact that we will never live in a utopia.

But if we want to work toward a more just, sustainable world, we need to bring new solutions to our problems. Sometimes we fail to approach problems creatively because we think that what worked in the past will still work, even though the world has changed. Other times we become so attached to an idea that we won’t give it up, even when that idea fails. And all too often we see the world in binaries — if the solution isn’t X, then it must be Y — lacking the imagination to try an approach that combines both X and Y or that is something utterly different from either of them.

Creative solutions can scare us. They challenge our beliefs and can be so wild that they seem unfeasible. They seem too difficult. Why not stick with what we already know? It’s easier to use the same route to get to work, to listen to familiar styles of music, to eat the foods our family ate when we were growing up, to continue to do what we’ve always done. Change, trying new things, is risky, and we tend to be risk averse.

But people who ask “What if…?” are the ones who change the world.

What Creativity Looks Like

• Horrified by slavery, William Wilberforce and others like him asked, “What if we could outlaw the British slave trade?” Around the time of his death, the British Parliament passed the Slavery Abolition Act.
• After discovering that fair-trade chocolate is not necessarily free of slave labor, Dutch journalists asked, “What if we could distribute a truly slave-free chocolate bar?” The result was the birth of Tony’s Chocolonely.
• Jeremy and Jessica Courtney asked, “What if we were willing to love others — even across enemy lines?” They founded Preemptive Love Coalition, delivering aid to people who need it, often where other organizations are unwilling to go.
• In the face of high recidivism and mortality rates for recently released prisoners, California’s Anti-Recidivism Coalition asked, “What if formerly incarcerated people helped newly released prisoners transition back into society outside prison walls?” The program is by no means a cure-all for the difficulties that newly released prisoners face, but it’s a step in the right direction.
• As India works to clean up the Ganges, someone thought to ask, “What if we got people to stop dropping chemically treated flowers into the river and to recycle them into incense sticks instead?” There are still enormous problems to solve in trying to clean the river, but if people continue to think creatively, there’s hope.
• In this podcast episode from The Forum on Workplace Inclusion, Joel Hodroff and Professor Thomas Fisher discuss the outside-the-box idea of a dual currency system, springing from questions such as “What if we stopped confusing money with wealth?” Listening to that episode was what inspired me to write this two-part series on creativity.

Creativity Won’t Fix Everything, But It Can Change the World

As you can see from the list above, some of these ideas have only made small differences so far. Others are as yet unproven. But all have changed or have the potential to change the world for the better, sometimes in small ways, sometimes in seismic shifts.

So if we want to make a difference, we need to be open to creative ideas. In part two of this series, scheduled for March 2, I’ll share ways we can grow as creative thinkers.

 

 

I recently expressed weariness with drinking some tea samples that did not particularly appeal to me. My child suggested I throw them out. I automatically replied, “Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without.”

Whether we learn them from a grandparent or a book, old adages can help us make the world a better place. Here are some of my favorites

Use It Up, Wear It Out, Make It Do, or Do Without

There are plenty of times when there’s no point in slogging through something you dislike. Why force yourself to finish that cake you’re not enjoying? The point of cake is pleasure, so you might as well give it away or toss it. But there’s also something to be said about using something up before you buy more.

The “use it up…” adage is a favorite of the simplicity movement. I don’t do a perfect job of living by it, but I often keep it in mind when I make decisions about discarding something or purchasing something new. If we choose to use what we have until it is gone or worn out, and if we ask ourselves if we really need to buy that thing we want at all, we’ll make better choices for the environment… and for our wallets. This is how people who are poor live out of necessity; being able to discard and replace something simply because we are tired of it is a luxury.

A Stitch In Time Saves Nine (or, Do It Now)

This ties neatly into the adage above. If you repair something when the first sign of a problem appears, you’re more likely to be able to make it last… or at least you’ll save yourself a bigger repair job down the line. And this saying works works with intangible things as well as tangible ones. It’s better to tackle a relationship problem early on than to let years go by. At that point, you’ll need to put a lot more effort into making things right, if you’re able to repair the relationship at all.

But I think this also is wise advice on a grander scale. One of the best examples of how we might put this adage into practice? Ignoring the fact that we should have tackled climate change years ago, it’s best for us to make changes now, rather than wait until things get even worse.

Charity Begins at Home

This is probably the saying that is the most challenging for me. When I was going through that unpleasant phase that most adolescents go through, my mother, fed up with my behavior, simply said to me, “Charity begins at home.” This was a zinger, and she surely knew it, because she knew that I wanted to do something to change the world for the better.

Sometimes its easier to be kind at a distance than it is to treat those we live with well. But the proverb is right. If we want to make a difference, there’s no better place to start than with the people we see every day.

There’s No Such Thing as a Soul Mate

When you romanticize a committed relationship, you’re asking for trouble.

When I was in college, one of my professors said, “The truth about marriage is… it’s boring.” If you believe that there is just one person out there who is a perfect match for you, when you hit that boring spot, or if you are going through a rough patch with your spouse, it may be tempting to believe that the problem is that you committed to the wrong person. Perhaps your soul mate is still out there! Perhaps they are sitting in the next cubicle over.

If, however, you believe that there is more than one person out there with whom you could have a good relationship, and that when you got married you said to your spouse, “I choose to commit to you,” then marital boredom or difficulty doesn’t necessarily signal that you made the wrong choice, nor does the attractiveness of your coworker mean that your true perfect match is just a cubicle away. Instead, you can choose to work harder on the relationship that you committed to.

Marriage is difficult, and it doesn’t always work out. There’s no sense in making it more difficult by saddling your spouse with unrealistic expectations.

Something They Want, Something They Need, Something to Wear, and Something to Read

This adage is another great way to reduce overconsumption. I first heard it, or a variation of it, in relation to filling a Christmas stocking. Lately I’ve seen it used to describe buying Christmas presents for kids.

In my family’s case, it was extremely rare for us to give our child more than four gifts outside of what we put in her stocking, so using the four-gift rhyme as a stocking stuffing guideline worked well. We just had to make sure that the items were small and inexpensive enough to be stocking stuffers: something to wear might be a pair of gloves, and something to read could be a small paperback. Other families may find it more useful to use this rule or a similar one to control the number of gifts under the tree. Regardless, deciding on some sort of gift-giving rule can help tame the “gimmes” and your spending.

What adages to you live by?

The Crime

A few far-flung family members visited in late December. On Christmas Day, one of them announced that they would like to go to Spies in Disguise that evening, and that we were welcome to join them. I really wasn’t interested in the movie. More importantly, mere weeks before I had written: “… if we dream of a world where more people can relax and celebrate with loved ones on certain days of the year, we might want to rethink traditions like family outings to the movie theater after holiday dinners.” But I did want to spend time with my family.

I had three choices:

• I could go with them.
• I could say, “I’m not crazy about the idea of going out on holidays, because it encourages businesses to stay open instead of giving their employees the day off.”
• I could just say, “No, thank you,” and leave it at that.

I chose to go with them.

The Case Against Me

According to Merriam-Webster, one of the definitions of a hypocrite is “a person who acts in contraction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings.” By that definition, I certainly appear to be guilty. I encouraged people to stay home on holidays. I went out, and I really didn’t have to.

This is a clear case of hypocrisy, right? We can take away my license to write posts on making a difference right now.

In My Defense…

I’ll be honest. I’m not sure if I made the right choice. I feel like the second option wasn’t a good one in this case. A child was involved. His parents had already said — in front of him — that they were going to the movie. That’s not the time to talk about choosing not to go out on a holiday. But the third option was valid and would have been more consistent with my beliefs. I simply chose to go because I love my family, don’t see them as often as I’d like, and thought it would be nice to say, “Yes.”

That may be a good enough excuse. I tend to side with love over strict adherence to standards when presented with a choice between the two. And while it wouldn’t have been unloving to stay home, it was an act of love to join my family.

I’ve also tried to argue in this blog that making a difference is neither a matter of perfection nor a matter of a black-and-white approach to issues and decision-making. Making the right choice can be overwhelming, exhausting, and difficult. In the end, making a difference is a journey in personal growth, and we never “arrive” at our destination.

I also hope I’ve avoided being “preachy” in my posts about making a differences. I try to write words of encouragement, inspiring others — including myself — to make a difference in what little ways we can.

The Verdict

As I said above, I really don’t know if I made the right choice. But I don’t consider myself a hypocrite, because I wouldn’t judge any of my readers for doing the same thing I did. All any of us can do is continue to wrestle with our choices and do our best. We will fail — perhaps I did this past Christmas Day — but each moment we live is an opportunity to try again.

In the end, though, this isn’t my call. I doubt many people think they are hypocrites. So you decide: Am I a hypocrite? I’m interested in your thoughts.