Certain holidays seem to be particularly painful for many people. Valentine’s Day is one of those days. The emphasis on romance has caused a bit of a backlash in the form of “Singles Awareness Day,” but plenty of people in relationships are unhappy on Valentine’s Day, too.
I’m not about to tell you to stop celebrating Valentine’s Day if you are in a romantic relationship. If you love Valentine’s Day, you don’t have to stop celebrating out of guilt. And if you don’t love it but your significant other does, it’s important to remember that you are a team and to figure out a way to make Valentine’s Day work for both of you.
I am going to suggest that, single or not, you shake things up this Valentine’s Day. Fight the notion that the holiday is all about romantic love and start celebrating all kinds of love — love for your family, love for your friends, love for humanity in general.
For several years now I’ve been making homemade valentines for friends and family. When I say homemade, I’m not talking about the beautifully handcrafted cards that your friend with the cool rubber stamps makes. Anyone who truly knows me knows that I am “craft challenged,” so my valentines tend to be hearts cut from construction paper, glued to a doily, and decorated with stickers. They may not be works of art, but I believe they demonstrate love better than a generic card that I can purchase at a drugstore in five minutes. (Sorry, Hallmark. I do buy cards… just not for Valentine’s Day.)
I have a list of people I like to send valentines to every year, but for the past couple of years, I’ve invited Facebook friends to request a valentine from me as well. It’s my way of letting them know that, if they’re not feeling the love this year, or if they just really like receiving valentines, I’d like to be there for them.
Last year I decided to take things a step further with 14 acts of kindness on Valentine’s Day. I spent the morning doing things like bringing flowers to a friend, putting a love note under someone’s windshield wiper, leaving a used book with a “take me” note just outside the library, and handing a lottery ticket to a stranger. It was one of the best Valentine’s Days I’ve had in years — and I mean no disrespect to my husband when I say that. I just really enjoyed finding ways to give love to others.
I also considered asking my local female friends if anyone wanted to have dinner together that evening. My hope was that dinner with a friend would be a welcome distraction for someone who was dreading Valentine’s Day. My sister did something like that for me when I was in high school, and I’ve always cherished the way she looked out for me on a night I had hoped to be going out with a certain boy. I didn’t end up extending the dinner invitation, because when I talked to my husband, he said he would like to go out with me — something we don’t always choose to do. It may be something I will do in the future, but only if he’s on board.
The concept of devoting a day to love isn’t a bad idea. The problem is that it has become a day piled high with romantic expectations. There’s no reason to stop celebrating romantic love on Valentine’s Day… but consider expanding your celebration and showering love on others, too.